Chapter 17: Responsibility Is a Sincerity of the Heart
And he used to say to be responsible! What Gurdjieff is trying to say is that if you look for the use, then the whole of life is useless. It is just digging holes and filling them up again. Eat every day, and then throw it out of the body; fill the hole in the stomach, then throw it out. Every night go to sleep, get up again every morning. And this goes on and on until one day, one dies.
The whole thing is just like that. But Gurdjieff says that that is not the point. He says do the work as responsibly as possible, as if much depends on it - do it with full alertness. He would allow a person to stop such absurd work only when he saw that he had become responsible. It would take months sometimes; for three months the person would be just digging and refilling a hole. People would escape from Gurdjieff sometimes because it was maddening - you knew from the very beginning that it was useless.
But if you stuck to it, by and by a tremendous beauty arose. The hole became irrelevant; the emphasis now was on consciousness. Doing it lovingly, by and by you forgot about the end. You simply enjoyed this moment.
Responsibility means to be alive in this moment whatsoever you do. So after two weeks, go and be responsible - in my sense of the word - and enjoy it. When nobody else is going to enjoy it, at least you can.
What about you? Something heavy in your head? (The woman in front of Osho is sobbing.) Tell me, tell me(bring it out.
I don’t know anything.
(chuckling) You know at least what is in your head, mm?
It’s all crazy in my head, all crazy!
It cannot be more crazy than all these people. Look at them. Can you be more crazy than them? (the group laughs) No, you cannot be! (laughing)
I feel that everything I have to say is(stupid.
Don’t be worried about stupidity. Just tell me.
I really don’t know where I am or what I am. I’ve always been feeling it’s a big movie, but I don’t know where I am in it.
You are in the audience! It is a big movie and you are in the audience!
I don’t know what is real and what is unreal.