Chapter 12: Aloneness Is a Growth Need
I am feeling very sad and I am easily hurt. I’ve felt like this for several weeks. But I don’t know the reason for this.
(Osho addresses the man’s wife, who is also present.) Do you have something to say? He is not very clear about what is happening. Perhaps, unconsciously, he is avoiding facing up to the problem for fear that he will not be able to cope with it. Women are more perceptive than men about things pertaining to relationships, so perhaps you can be helpful.
I am feeling a need to be alone lately - a feeling which is new to me - and I think this might be upsetting him. I feel distant from him and want to have my own space. I used to cling to him a lot before.
(The husband) I feel rejected, wiped out, but I don’t see a connection between these feelings and her desire to be alone.
Now I understand exactly what the problem is. Because she has been always afraid of being alone, she was clinging to you and you enjoyed it, the ego enjoyed it. The male ego enjoys it very much when a woman goes on clinging. A woman is like a creeper, and the tree enjoys it tremendously - that the woman is dependent, mm? She was afraid of her aloneness, that’s why she was clinging to you. Now, the more meditative she will become, the more she will like to be alone - because that is the only way she can get rid of her fear. So she wants to be alone, to be left alone, and you feel as if you are not needed, rejected. But you are not rejected at all, and it is not that you are not needed.
In fact she is trying to stand on her own feet for the first time, and if you allow her and help her to stand on her own, only then will love be possible. Up to now it has not been love. She was clinging to you because of her fear, and you were enjoying that because of your ego - neither you nor she were in deep love. Now for the first time love is possible.
If you help her to be alone, to get rid of the fear, she will always be grateful to you. And when she can be alone, and out of her aloneness she calls you, then there will be love, because then there is no question of fear. Only then can she share herself with you.
And it is going to be good for you also, because it is just the ego that is feeling hurt. Nothing else feels hurt, it is always the ego. The ego is like a wound - very touchy. You just touch it and it feels hurt. So she has been fulfilling your ego; now she wants to be alone and that hurts.