Chapter 9: The Very Alphabet of Love
Omar Khayyam, one of the Sufi mystics, says in his Rubaiyat: “Don’t be worried about your small sins. They are so small that God, out of his love, cannot even count them. And God is compassionate, he will forgive you.” Omar Khayyam says, “I guarantee that you will be forgiven, don’t be worried. What you are doing are just small things, and God cannot take note of these small things. He cannot be so nasty, so small minded, so pigheaded!”
Omar Khayyam is right. God means love, God means forgiveness; there is no question of fear. But people are afraid of God also for the simple reason that their God is again a projection of ambition.
The day Jesus was going to be crucified, he gave a farewell party for his disciples - The Last Supper. He was going to die the next day, and do you know what the disciples were asking? They were asking, “Lord, tell us one thing, because now this is the last time we will be able to ask you. You will be raised to divine glory, you will sit by the side of God on the golden throne, on the right hand of course. What will our positions be?”
These twelve apostles, these twelve who had been so long with Jesus, remained utterly deaf, blind; they did not understood a single word. They may have heard him, but they had not listened. They were asking, “What will our positions be? Who will be next to you?” Jealousy, politics, ambition, ego! Now they were worried about who was going to be next to him - who would be chosen as the most beloved disciple of Jesus.
It is the same politics! It does not matter that it will be in paradise; the mind is the same. Then there will be the fear - who is Jesus going to choose? All twelve cannot sit next to him; one person will be next to him. Who is this person?
Jesus must have wept - the question was so stupid! And these are the apostles who created Christianity. These are the people who are the pillars of Christianity.
And this is so in every religion, everywhere; small people gather around the enlightened masters. The enlightened master talks about his peak, the sunlit peak, and the disciples listen from their dark holes, and everything becomes distorted.
You ask me, “I am afraid. Will you help me?” That is a strategy. I never help anybody - you have to help yourself. I am available like a river is available, but if you are thirsty you have to help yourself. You have to come down to the river, you have to make a cup out of your hands, you have to take the water up to your mouth, you have to drink it.
The river is available - I am available.