Chapter 8: Tozan’s Five Pounds
With mind, you go on missing. Mind has a mechanism - it moves in circles, vicious circles. Try to observe your own mind: has it been on a journey, or just moving in circles? Have you really been moving, or just moving in a circle? You repeat the same, again and again. The day before yesterday you were angry, yesterday you were angry, today you have been angry - and there is every possibility that tomorrow you are going to be angry; and do you feel that anger is different? The day before yesterday it was the same, yesterday it was the same, today it is the same - the anger is the same. Situations may differ, excuses may differ, but the anger is the same! Are you moving? Are you going somewhere? Is there any progress? Are you reaching some goal, getting nearer? You are moving in a circle, reaching nowhere. The circle may be very big, but how can you move if you move in a circle?
I overheard once, walking in the afternoon, I heard coming from the inside of a small house a child whining and saying, “Mum, I am fed up with moving in circles.” The mother said, “Either you shut up, or I will nail your other foot to the floor also.”
But you are not yet fed up. One foot is nailed to the earth, and like the child you are moving in circles. You are like a broken gramophone record - the same line repeats itself, it goes on repeating. Have you ever listened to a broken gramophone record? Listen! - it is like Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s transcendental meditation, TM: you repeat one thing, Ram, Ram, Ram, Ram, Ram.you go on repeating. You get bored; through boredom you feel sleepy. Sleep is good! After the sleep you feel fresh - but this is not going towards truth at all, it is just getting a good sleep, through a trick. But this TM you are doing continuously; your whole life is a TM, repeating, moving in the same groove again and again and again.
Where are you going? Whenever you become aware of this you will think simply: What has been happening? You will feel very strange, shocked, that your whole life has been a misuse. You have not moved a single inch. The sooner the better - if you realize this, the sooner the better, because through this realization something is possible.
Why this repetition? Mind is repetitive, it is a broken record; the very nature of it is just like a broken record. You cannot change it. A broken record can be repaired, mind cannot be, because the very nature of the mind is to repeat; repetition is the nature of the mind. At the most you can make bigger circles, and with bigger circles you can feel that there is some freedom; with bigger circles you can deceive yourself that things are not repeating.
Somebody’s circle is just twenty-four hours. If you are clever you can make a circle of thirty days; if you are even more clever you can make a circle of one year; if you are even more clever you can make a circle of a whole life - but the circle remains the same. It makes no difference. Bigger or smaller, you move in the same groove, you come back to the same point.
Because of this understanding, Hindus have called life a wheel - your life, of course, not a buddha’s life. A buddha is one who has jumped out of the wheel. You cling to the wheel, you feel very secure there - and the wheel moves on; from birth to death it completes a circle. Again birth, again death. The word sansar, the word Hindus use for this world, means the wheel. It moves in the same groove. You come and go, and you do much - to no avail. Where do you miss? You miss in the first step.