Chapter 7: Awareness: The Fire That Burns the Past
That is the whole method of prati-prasav: how to move from the effect to the cause, how to go backwards and find the cause, from where it is coming up. Whatsoever happens to you - you feel sad, just close your eyes and watch your sadness. Follow where it leads, go deeper into it. Soon you will come to the cause. Maybe you will have to travel long, because this whole life is involved; and not only this life, but many other lives are involved. You will find many wounds in you which hurt, and because of those wounds you feel sad; they are sad. Those wounds have not gone dry yet; they are alive. The method of prati-prasav, the method of going back to the source, from the effect to the cause, will heal them. How does it heal? Why does it heal? What is the phenomenon implied in it?
Whenever you go backwards, the first thing you drop is throwing the responsibility on others, because if you throw the responsibility on the other you go outwards. Then the whole process is wrong: you try to find the cause in the other: “Why is the wife nasty?” Then the “why” goes on penetrating into the wife’s behavior. You have missed the first step and then the whole process will be wrong. Why am I unhappy? Why am I angry? - close the eyes and let it be a deep meditation. Lie down on the floor, close the eyes, relax the body and feel why you are angry. Just forget the wife; that is an excuse - A, B, C, D, whatsoever, forget the excuse. Just go deeper into yourself, penetrate the anger. Use anger itself as a river; into the anger you flow and the anger will take you inwards. You will find subtle wounds in you.
The wife looked nasty because she touched a subtle wound in you, something which hurts. You have always thought that you are not beautiful, your face is ugly, and there is a wound inside. When the wife is nasty she will make you aware of your face. She will say, “Go and look in the mirror!” Something hurts. You have been unfaithful to the wife and when she wants to be nasty, she will bring it up again, “Why were you laughing with that woman? Why were you sitting with that woman so happily?” A wound is touched. You have been unfaithful, you feel guilty; the wound is alive. You close the eyes, feel the anger, let it arise in its totality so that you can see it completely, what it is. Then let that energy help you to move towards the past, because the anger is coming from the past. It cannot come from the future of course. The future has not yet come into being. It is not coming from the present.
This is the whole standpoint of karma: it cannot come from the future because future is not yet; it cannot come from the present because you don’t know at all what it is. Present is known only by the awakened one. You live only in the past so it must be coming from somewhere in your past. The wound must be somewhere in your memories. Go back. There may not be one wound, there may be many: small, big. Go deeper and find the first wound, the original source of all anger. You will be able to find it if you try, because it is already there. It is there; all your past is still there. It is like a film, rolled and waiting inside. You unroll it, you start looking at the film. This is the process of prati-prasav. It means going backwards to the very root cause. And this is the beauty of the process: if you can consciously go backwards, if you can consciously feel a wound, the wound is immediately healed.