Chapter 27: Close Your Eyes and Find Me
I work in Europe as a journalist, and everybody is asking me about Sheela, “Is it true that she betrayed her master?” The only answer I can give is, “I don’t know.” When they ask me what I feel about the recent events, I say that I feel tremendously grateful to Sheela, whatever she has done.
At this point, everybody thinks I’m crazy. My question is, do you? Please comment.
Certainly you are crazy - for two reasons. First, nobody can betray me. You can betray Jesus Christ because he asks faith from you. You can betray Gautam Buddha because he requires total surrender from you. How can you betray me? Faith can be betrayed; but I ask you to doubt, to be skeptical, to be rational, to be intelligent. How can you betray me?
Sheela has not betrayed me, she has betrayed herself. She has fallen in her own eyes, and she will live with all the crimes heavy on her heart for her whole life. As far as I am concerned there was no expectation. I have never demanded any commitment to me. I have never said that you have to be loyal to me: how can you betray me? This is the first point which proves you are crazy, when you say to people that you do not know. That means you do not know me and you do not know my work.
Secondly, you are telling people that Sheela has done great work and the commune should be grateful to her. She has certainly done great work, and the commune is grateful for all the good that she has done. But side by side she has been committing crimes. The commune cannot be grateful for those crimes - crimes ranging from killing people, attempts on people’s lives, to bugging houses - and taping phone calls, which cannot be forgiven, because that is trespassing on individual privacy. And she was planning bigger crimes.
People are accustomed to see things as black or as white. In life it is very rare to find somebody who is absolutely black, or somebody who is absolutely white. People are different in degrees between these two polarities. But one thing has to be remembered, that you may be doing ninety-nine percent good work, but a single crime will destroy your credibility completely. Your good work cannot save you.
You are saying that the commune should feel grateful because Sheela burned the planning office of Wasco County? that she tried to poison one of the judges of Wasco County and one of the attorneys of Jefferson County? that she tried to kill Doctor Devaraj and Vivek, here in the commune? You are going to be grateful to her that she was lying to me continuously?
She bugged my room. She bugged almost the whole commune. Nobody was left their independence, their freedom of privacy. One hundred and forty-five rooms in the hotel were bugged. Nixon looks like a pygmy before her!
I have heard that she placed guards, thirty-two guards at my house, pretending that they had to be protection for me. But she ordered the guards not to speak to anybody who lives with me in the house - my physician, my kitchen people, my cleaners, my seamstresses, people who do everyday work for me.