Chapter 9: The Seer Is Not Seen
Just the other day a couple came to me and the man said, “If I’m with the woman there is anxiety, because it is a continuous fight. I’m not happy. If I’m not with the woman, it is continuous anxiety; I am alone.” Without the woman, then loneliness becomes the anxiety. With the woman, the other brings his or her own problems. And problems are not doubled when two persons meet, they are multiplied. Man cannot live alone because loneliness creates anxiety. Man cannot live with a woman, because woman creates anxiety. The same is true for the woman also. Anxiety has become just the style of your life; whatsoever happens, anxiety remains. Past experiences, samskaras, create misery because whenever you move through an experience, it creates a groove in you. If the experience is repeated many, many times, the groove becomes more and more deep. Then if life moves in different ways, and the energy is not flowing in that groove of your past experiences, you feel unfulfilled. But if life continues the same, and the energy goes on flowing from the same groove, you feel bored. Then you want excitement. If excitement is not there, you feel, “What is the use of going on living?”
You cannot eat the same food every day. I can eat the same food; leave me out. You cannot eat the same food every day. If you eat the same food you feel frustrated because the same food every day loses taste, excitement. If you change food every day, that too will create anxiety and trouble, because the body gets adjusted to the food. And if every day you change, the body chemistry changes and the body feels uncomfortable. The body feels comfortable if you take the same food, but then the mind doesn’t feel comfortable.
If you live through your past habits the body will always feel comfortable, because body is a mechanism. It doesn’t hanker for the new, it simply wants the same. The body needs routine. Mind always needs change, because mind itself is a flux phenomenon. Not even for a single moment does mind remain the same; it goes on changing.
I have heard that Lord Byron was said to have lived with hundreds of women. At least sixty women are absolutely known; there is proof that he loved sixty women. He didn’t live very long, so he must have been changing women on alternate days. But one woman caught him and she forced him to marry her. She would not yield until he married her, she would not give her body until he married her. She knew that he had been in affairs with many women. And once he had made love to a woman, he simply forgot that woman completely - finished. It was the mind of a romantic poet, and poets are never faithful. They cannot be; they live with the mind. Their mind is a flux, like their poetry. It is a vibrating phenomenon. The woman insisted, she was stubborn, so Byron had to yield; he had to marry her. She became very fascinating to him because she would not yield. It became a question of his ego.
As they were coming out of the church, the church bells were still ringing, and the guests were departing. They were on the church steps and Byron held the hand of the woman, the newly wed woman. He had not even made love to her yet, and suddenly he saw another woman passing the road. He forgot the woman whose hand he was holding completely, and he said to the woman, “This is wonderful, but for a single moment when I saw that woman passing, I forgot you completely, my marriage and everything. Your hand was not in my hand; I didn’t know about it.” The woman had also seen it; you cannot deceive women. Even before you have looked towards another woman, they know. The very flicker of the idea in your mind, and they detect it. They are great detectors, lie-detectors. The woman had also seen it, and she said, “I knew.”