Chapter 3: Emptiness and the Monk’s Nose
Knowing this, that things happen, like dreams, one is not bothered this way or that, one is neither happy nor unhappy. One simply is not. Buddha says: “You can never be happy, because, in the very insistence that you are, unhappiness hides. You can never be liberated, because you are the bondage. Liberation is not of you, liberation is from you.
This is the deepest core ever touched, the deepest core. Mahavira says: “You will be enlightened.”
Buddha says: “You are the hindrance.”
Mahavira says: “You will live in moksha, in the ultimate state of consciousness - blissful, eternally blissful.”
Buddha says: “Unless you die, you will never attain to that state.”
You are the only barrier, the only hindrance, the only obstacle. When you are not, that state is. That state is not yours, you cannot claim it; in fact, because you are, you don’t allow that state to be. It is already here within you, this very moment, but you don’t allow it to function. You try to control it, manipulate it. The ego is the great manipulator, the controller, and the whole effort of all the buddhas is how to drop the control. Once the control is dropped, the controller disappears. That is what I am trying to do with you with these many meditations. The effort is how to drop the control, how to drop the great manipulator.
You whirl in a Dervish dance. In the beginning you are there. Soon you feel nausea, but that nausea is not only physical, it is deeply spiritual. You start feeling nausea when the moment comes for control to be dropped. When that moment nears, you start feeling nausea. The nausea is that the control is being lost. You feel dizzy; you feel that you may fall down. These are not just physical things - deep inside the ego is feeling as if it is being thrown off the track. The ego is feeling dizzy. It is feeling that if this whirling continues for even a little longer, I will not be able to be there. You start to feel like vomiting. In fact, that vomit is not only physical, just one part is physical, a deeper part is the vomit of the ego. If you continue to feel disturbed, there will be a physical vomiting, but if you don’t bother about it, soon physical vomiting will disappear. And then the real vomit will happen: one day, suddenly, the ego is vomited. Suddenly an ugly phenomenon within you escapes; suddenly the disease from you is thrown out; suddenly you are ego-free. It happens unexpectedly. When it happens for the first time, you cannot even believe it; you cannot believe that, without the ego, you are. There is nobody inside, and you are; and you are so perfect and so beautiful and so blissful - without anybody being there!
The ego has to be thrown off-center, because it has become so deeply rooted in your mind, through many lives. It has usurped the whole being; emptiness has been thrown into the background, into the unconscious, and the ego has usurped the throne. Now the ego has become the king, and it goes on manipulating everything.
This parable, this small anecdote, will tell you many things about how the ego can be thrown off-center.