Chapter 4: “Chaotic” Meditation
So I start with breathing, and I suggest chaotic breathing for ten minutes in the beginning of the technique. And by chaotic breathing I mean just taking the breath in and throwing it out without any rhythm - without any rhythm. Just taking it in and throwing it out, as much as you can.
This chaotic breathing is to create a chaos within your repressed system. Whatever you are, you are with a certain type of breathing. A child breathes in a different way, and when the child becomes sexually aware, or is made aware by parents or society, he starts to breathe again in a different way. If you are sexually afraid, you cannot breathe deeply because every deep breath hits the sex center. So if you are sexually afraid, you cannot take deep breaths. And we make the child sexually afraid. If a child is touching or playing with his sex organs, we will stop him. When you stop him, his breath will become shallow. He cannot breathe deeply; he has become afraid. In fear, you cannot take deep breaths; fear creates shallow breathing.
This chaotic breathing is to destroy all your systems of the past. Whatsoever you have made out of yourself, it is to destroy it. This creates a chaos within you, because unless a chaos is created you cannot release your repressed emotions; and those emotions have now moved into the body.
Ten minutes of chaotic breathing is wonderful. But it must be chaotic. It is not a type of pranayama, yogic breathing; it is simply creating chaos through breathing. And it creates chaos for many reasons.
Deep, fast breathing gives you more oxygen. The more oxygen in the body, the more alive you become, the more animal-like. Animals are alive and man is half-dead, half-alive. You have to be made into an animal again; only then can something higher develop in you. You are false, and if you are only half-alive nothing can be done with you.
So this chaotic breathing will make you like an animal: alive, vibrating, vital - with more oxygen in your blood, more energy in your cells. Your body cells become more alive and this oxygenation helps to create body electricity, or you can call it bioenergy. When there is electricity in the body you can move deep within, beyond yourself, because this electricity will work within you. As you are, you are just dead, or half-dead. .Because even to be completely dead is good. Something complete is always good, but this half-deadness is bad.
The body has its own electrical sources. If you hammer them with more breathing and more oxygen, they begin to flow. And if you become really alive then you are no more a body. When you are alive you feel yourself as energy, not matter. You feel yourself to be a body because you are half dead. That is why you feel so much weight. That half-deadness gives you weight and a feeling of being pulled down by gravity. You feel you have to carry yourself somehow. You are just heavy. This heaviness is because of your half-deadness. The more alive you become, then the more energy flows in your system, and the less you will feel yourself physically. You will feel more like energy and less like matter.