Chapter 25: Dancing with the Whole
Dharma means the ultimate law, the very base of life, the very ground of existence. and kaya means body - the body of the ultimate law. This is a Buddhist term, very meaningful.
A couple come with a relationship problem: She has a black eye and says that he is not committed to friendship or love with her, and that they lack privacy in the room they share with three others. He maintains his need for freedom to move with others.
So you have to decide - either you live as friends or you separate. And all other things are just excuses. If you are left alone you will be fighting more. If you can hit each other when other persons are there and intimacy is not possible, and you become so intimate that you hurt each other, if you are left alone you will kill each other, that’s all.
Commitment cannot be forced. No more of this fighting, and no more nonsense. Stop it. It is bad - bad in the sense that it will make patterns in your mind. Again with someone else you will repeat the pattern, and because of this, he will become afraid of all women and will never be committed to anyone. He will become scared, because even without commitment there is such ugliness and misery. Once you become fixed in a pattern, whenever you will be in any relationship you will immediately become possessive, jealous, talking of commitment, this and that.
Make the person happy so he feels there is no need for any other relationship. On the contrary, you make such trouble that even if he was not thinking of another relationship, he will have to think - just to escape from you. So you are doing something self-defeating. Drop it. You are free. If you feel like moving with someone else, you can move.
So this night, without fighting, you sit and decide. If you both come to a point where you feel it is good to remain friends and be together, remain together. If you think that this is not possible, that you need a commitment and only then can you be happy, then he has to be completely freed from the relationship so he can move.
This is one of the deep-rooted problems in any man-woman relationship. Man has more need of freedom than love, and woman has more need of love than of freedom. It is not only your problem; it is a problem all over the world with every couple. The woman is not worried about freedom at all. She is ready to become a slave if only she can make the other a slave also. She is ready to move into any commitment if the other is also forced into a commitment. She is ready to live in a prison if the other is ready to live in a dark cell.