Chapter 13: You Go on Drinking Poison
In your presence, I feel showered with your unconditional love and compassion. My hungry heart is opening, and I have experienced a lot of joy and stillness here in your buddhafield. But my feelings of unworthiness still dominate my life, and I’m clinging to them so tightly that I despair of ever letting go. It has been a long and serious road so far.
Dear Osho, will you please help me?
Nobody is born unworthy. Everybody is equal in the eyes of existence. But remember, equality does not mean similarity. Everybody is equally unique.
The idea of unworthiness that is torturing you is torturing millions of human beings. It is the people around you who make you feel unworthy, undeserving, useless, good-for-nothing; this is a secret conspiracy against the individual by the crowd.
Perhaps you are not aware that the crowd is the enemy of the individual. The crowd does not like individuals; it likes only phony people imitating each other. Anybody who stands alone, in his own right, declaring his own freedom, doing his own thing without any fear of consequences, will be condemned by the crowd.
The crowd cannot afford such rebels, because their very presence is dangerous - it may become a wildfire. Many others who are suffering in slavery may start revolting, seeing that it is possible to live your life according to your own light, that it is possible to have your own style, your own religiousness, your own morality - you don’t have to belong to any crowd, you don’t have to become a spiritual slave. If this idea spreads, there will be millions of people who have not died completely - in whose beings there is still a spark of life - who may explode into rebellion against the masses.
The masses are easy to control; hence, those people who are in power hate individuals. And this has been the story throughout human history. From the very childhood, the society in different ways - the parents, the teachers, the priests, the neighbors - from all directions the society starts encroaching upon the freedom of the individual. All their effort is to distract you from your own being; they want you to be somebody else, they don’t want you to be yourself.
That is the cause of your feeling of being unworthy. It is natural - you can never be somebody else; however perfect your pretension and your hypocrisy is, deep down you will feel you have betrayed yourself. Deep down you can never feel contentment, self-respect, a pride which is natural to every being, a dignity which existence showers upon you just by giving you life.
If you are allowed to be yourself, you will never feel unworthy, because that will be your natural growth. If you are a rosebush, roses will blossom in you, and if you are a marigold flower, then marigold flowers will come. Neither the marigold flower feels it is unworthy nor the roses feel that they are special, higher, or holier. Even the smallest grass blade feels as dignified as the biggest star in the universe.
In existence there is no inferiority complex anywhere, and as a corollary there is no superiority complex either. The marigold is happy being a marigold; even the idea is stupid: “Why am I not a rose?”