Chapter 10: Completing the Circle
The first question:
Why is there jealousy in love?
If there is jealousy in love, then your love is not love. If this is the case, then some sickness is masquerading as love. Jealousy is indicative of an absence of love.
It is like saying that the lamp is lit but there is darkness all around it. There should be no darkness if the lamp is burning. The absence of darkness is proof that the lamp is lit. The proof of love is that there is no jealousy. Jealousy is like darkness, love is like light. Use this as your touchstone: as long as jealousy remains, your love is not love. Some other game is taking place in the name of love, your ego is on a new trip: the joy of possessing the other in the name of love, exploitation of the other in the name of love, using the other person as a means.. And using someone as a means is the greatest immorality in the world, because every person is the divine. Every person is an end unto himself - not a means. So never use anyone as a means - even by mistake. If you can be of some use to someone else, that is good, but never use anyone for your own purposes. There is no greater insult possible than using someone as a means. It means that you have turned the divine into your servant. If you can, become a servant, but never make servants out of others.
Real love will dawn only when you understand that the divine is present everywhere. Then there is nothing for you to do but serve. Love is service, not jealousy. Love is surrender, not ownership.
You have asked, “Why is there jealousy in love?” I can understand the questioner’s difficulty. In ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, the love we know is only another name for jealousy. We are very clever. We are very skilled in denying there is filth by spraying some fragrance over it. We are adepts at placing flowers over our wounds. We are great artists in making falsehood appear to be truth. So what is there is jealousy, but we call it love. Thus jealousy prevails in the name of love. What is actually there is hatred, but we call it love. Something totally different is there.
One “goddess” has asked another question. She says, “I cannot do the Sufi meditation, and I don’t allow my husband to do it either, because in the Sufi meditation you have to gaze into the eyes of others. There are many women here, and if my husband looks into the eyes of another woman, and it leads to something totally different, what will become of me? As it is, I don’t get along very well with my husband anyway.”