Chapter 18: Totality: The Foundation of Freedom
Life begins in unconsciousness. It has to begin in that way, because the child has to pass through a very narrow passage from the mother’s womb to the outside world. The passage is very narrow and the child finds it almost equal to death, because he has lived for nine months in a world which is being taken away from him, where he was immensely blissful, peaceful, without any worry, no problems of employment, of education. He has lived for those nine months in a paradise.
In fact, the psychologists say that the idea of paradise is nothing but a projection of the conditions in the womb. The womb is so luxurious that the child is searching his whole life for the same old golden days again, when he lived together with his mother, not even feeling any separation, not even knowing that he was separate from the environment he’s living in. The environment and he were one, and now he’s being thrown out into an unknown, strange world.
In the mother’s womb he was in utter silence. Outside, it is so noisy, so maddeningly noisy. In the mother’s womb he is in darkness. Darkness is very soothing, relaxing, very essential for growth - that’s why the roots of plants hide themselves under the ground, in darkness. A child hides himself in the mother’s womb to find darkness. Now he’s being thrown into the world full of glaring lights. And he’s being cut from all the connections to the mother; the shock is traumatic. There is a possibility of some truth in the idea that he goes searching for the womb again, that the search for the womb is the search for paradise.
As the child grows, he becomes more and more aware that the world is not what it is supposed to be. It is ugly, it is cunning, it is in every way deceiving, cheating. You cannot trust anybody, you cannot love anybody. Friendship is only an empty word. Love exists only in poetry. In life, everything is a pain.
But you cannot jump out of this vicious circle of life for many reasons. First, you don’t have any idea that there is another possibility of life, an alternative way of living. You know only the way people are living and they are all suffering, they’re all miserable.
Naturally, you start accepting misery and suffering as natural. By and by, you become immune to them. This immunity is very dangerous. It means now there is no hope for you, because now there is no possibility of any inquiry. You are not going to inquire into yourself, into your consciousness, because you have already believed what others have been telling you.
A person who really wants to go through a revolution.. And only a revolution can make you free from the fear of death. Otherwise, you have experienced death in your birth, so you have some idea of it. You lost your paradise. Your birth may have been a time of celebration for others but not for you. For you, it was a terrible experience.
And when you again think of death, it is very natural to infer that the coming death is going to be a bigger phenomenon than the death you knew in birth. You have lived only nine months in the mother’s womb and what kind of life was it? Although it was comfortable, luxurious, there was no adventure, no change; you were almost vegetating. For seventy years you live, you experience many things, and then again comes death. That is the circle becoming complete - you are coming back to the same zero point from where you began your life.