Chapter 6: Why Wander Away?
The dream of liberation is very sweet and so you say you are not ready to go. You are always asking the way, but you really don’t want to make a move; you only want to hear about it. And then you assure yourself that you are a sincere and honest person. “I am not irreligious,” you say, “I am longing for truth. But truth is not as easy to obtain as some toy. I shall have to work hard for countless births. Only then will I achieve it.” This is how you deceive yourself; this is how you protect yourself. There is no other barrier in your life except you. No one else is barring your way; you yourself are the wall. You have planted your own feet firmly in the ground and are making all kinds of fuss about liberation at the same time.
Your thirst is not the thirst of the desert. It is a false thirst, a deception. If one’s thirst is sincere, it is sufficient unto itself; nothing else is to be done. Then your thirst is so strong your whole body is one with it. And then the thirst itself becomes the door. When you call for God like this, he is not even an inch away. Your thirst is the path. Clamor after God with all your eagerness, with all your sincerity, and the meeting will surely take place.
Sadhu, who’s kidding who?
But you are great actors. You play this game in such a way that you do not even know you are doing it. You want to have it all, the world as well as truth. You are very crafty. You are sailing in two boats at the same time, so naturally you will never reach anywhere. No one can sail in two boats simultaneously. And remember, these two boats - the boat of religion and the boat of the world - are sailing in opposite directions. You are like the laundry man’s dog; you belong neither to the house nor to the riverbank. It would be better if you were to belong totally to the world than to be like the laundry man’s dog.
If you belong totally to the world, the deception you are practicing will perish one day, because you will realize eventually that the world has no substance, that it can never bear fruit. But to avoid such a situation, you live partially in the world and partially in God at one and the same time. This is not the way to experience abhipsa, to experience that keen, inner desire for God. Be aware of your cunning. You have played this game more than enough. How long do you want this game to continue? Come out of it now!
Your mind is behind all this cunningness, behind all this play-acting. The mind has a habit of looking at things in parts, and this creates deception. Whenever you look at things in this way, deception is bound to occur. No matter where you are, always try to look at things in their totality. Your journey will begin from there. Don’t look at things in parts. When you see a child being born, know that, along with birth, death is also there. Celebrate the birth of a child and at the same time be sorry; it is also the beginning of death. When an old person dies, weep - but be pleased as well because it is the beginning of a new birth, of a new life.