Chapter 1: Always on the Rocks
You say: “I find myself mostly attracted to women and very rarely deeply to a man.” Good - at least you find yourself attracted to somebody. There is a possibility of love. There are people so dull, so dead, so insensitive, that they only feel attracted towards money, or political power, or fame. You are in a far better situation; at least you are not in love with money. Even Ori Aristotle was in a far better situation than the people who are in love with money. But these people are not thought to be perverted. They are the real perverts. Money is their whole life, their devotion; money is their god.
You are attracted to women - perfectly good. Go deeply into relationship with women. If you make an anxiety out of it you will not be able to go deep in relationship with a woman. If you go deeply into relationship with women, my understanding is that sooner or later you will find that this relationship cannot be very fulfilling, because two women are alike. And a relationship needs a certain tension to be fulfilling, a certain polarity to be fulfilling. Two women in love, or two men in love, will have a good relationship, but it will not be very spicy. It will be a little dull, monotonous, a little boring.
But if you go deeply, only then will you become aware of these things. Your anxiety will not allow you to go deep, and then your whole life you will remain interested and attracted towards women.
My approach to all problems is that if anything is there, go deeply into it. So either you find the treasure - if it has any treasure - or you find that it is empty. In both cases you are enriched. If you find the treasure, of course you are enriched. If you find it is empty, you are finished with it.
Two women in relationship can’t have a very great love affair. It will remain on plain ground, it will not have heights and it will not have depths. So people who are afraid of heights and depths will find it very comfortable, convenient. Hence the homosexuals are called gay people. They look gay; they look far more gay than heterosexuals. Heterosexuals are always going into turmoil - more conflict, more fight, less understanding. It is bound to be so, because two women can understand each other far better than one man and one woman can understand each other. Two men can understand each other far better because they are of the same type, but the spark will be missing. Yes, a certain gayness will be there, but not great poetry, not great romance - mild. The relationship will be homeopathic. It will not have adventure, surprises - safe, secure, more understanding, less conflict, less nagging.
With a man and a woman there are problems - problems of misunderstanding. They live in totally different worlds; they are two different poles of consciousness. The woman thinks intuitively, the man thinks intellectually, hence there is no meeting. The woman simply jumps to conclusions without going into any thought process. And the man goes step by step, comes to a conclusion. The man tries hard to come to a conclusion and the woman simply jumps to the conclusion. She has an intuitive feeling.