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Chapter 38: Session 38

Later on my principal called me, because I had still won the prize, even after this.

He said, “What happened to you? You behaved strangely. We prepared you but you never said a single word that you were taught. Not only that, you completely forgot the prepared lecture; you did not even address the president or the ladies or gentlemen.”

I said, “I looked around, and there were no gentlemen. I knew all those fellows very well, not one is a gentleman. As far as the ladies are concerned, they are even worse because they are the wives of these same fellows. And the president.he seems to have been sent by God to preside over all the meetings in this town. I am tired of him. I cannot call him ‘Mister President’ when in fact I would rather have hit him.”

On that day when the president had called me for my prize, I said, “Okay, but remember you will have to come down here and shake hands with me.”

He said, “What! Shake hands with you! I will never even look at you. You insulted me.”

I said, “I will show you.”

Since that day he became my enemy. I know the art of how to make enemies. His name was Shri Nath Bhatt, a prominent politician in the town. Of course he was the leader of the most influential Gandhian political party. Those were the days when India was under the British Raj. Perhaps as far as freedom is concerned India is still not free. It may be free from the British Raj, but not free from the bureaucracy which the British Raj created.

I have really always been talking about trust, and I have never been able to explain it. Perhaps it is not my fault. Trust: perhaps it cannot be talked about, only indicated. I have been trying hard to say something very definite, but everything fails. Either it becomes your experience, then you don’t need to know what it is; or it does not become your experience, then you may know everything under the heading “trust,” but still you know nothing.

I was again trying to tell you, in fact giving myself one more try, perhaps; and it is always alluring to talk about all the attempts, even those that failed. Just knowing that they were made in the right direction, one feels proud. It is a question of direction.

Yes, trust is many things, but first a question toward oneself - a change of direction.

We are born looking outwardly. To look inside is not part of the body organism. The body functions well; if you want to go somewhere else, it can take you. But the moment you ask “Who am I?” it flops, simply flops on the ground, not knowing what to do now because the relevant direction is not part of the so-called world.

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