Chapter 3: Grow Real Roses
Hence I don’t see that with the coming age, with the new maturity that man is attaining, marriage can exist anymore in the same old way. It has to become more fluid; that means it can no longer be an institution. People will live together - they need each other.Men and women are halves of one whole; their need is intrinsic. Together they become one whole, together they are complementary to each other. But they will live together only because of love, not because of any law. And they will live together out of freedom, not out of bondage.
And with the disappearance of the institution of marriage the whole structure of society will change - it cannot change otherwise - because once marriage disappears many things will disappear automatically. The family will not be the same anymore; the family will be replaced by communes - that is inevitable. And children will not belong to persons but to the commune. Hence they will not be much of a problem - because children have been a big problem: what to do with the children when people separate? The children are left in a limbo; something has to be done about the children. And marriage has persisted for the simple reason that children have to be protected, they have to be helped; they are helpless. And it is your responsibility.
Love becomes duty, responsibility. And the moment it is duty and responsibility it loses all poetry, it becomes pure calculation. Then it is a compromise, then you have somehow to pull it, then you start dragging your life.
A great revolution is on the way, and with the disappearance of marriage that revolution will become possible. Once children no longer belong to persons they will have more generosity, they will be more human. They will not be Hindus and Mohammedans and Christians because they will not belong to certain parents and they will not be conditioned by the parents; they will belong to the commune. And once children belong to the commune they will have a larger experience of people. One child may come in contact with many women as mothers, aunts, with many men as fathers, as uncles, with many children as brothers, sisters.
Right now the experience of the child is very limited. Each child is brought up by a certain woman. The impact of that woman remains hanging on the child’s consciousness for his whole life; it becomes an imprint. And he is always searching for the same woman: in every woman he falls in love with he is really looking for his mother, whom he cannot find. Where can he find his mother? There are no two persons alike. He will never find his mother anywhere, but he is looking for his mother in every wife, in every beloved. And the same is the case with the woman: she is looking for the father in every husband, in every lover. And they cannot find them, but that is their idea.
The woman’s idea of a man is nothing but her idea of the father and the man’s idea of a woman is nothing but his idea of the mother. They will never find them, hence there will be frustration, hence there will always be despair, misery, failure, anguish.