Chapter 8: Not Knowing Is the Most Intimate
The third question
Why does it take so long for me to get it?
It is because of your knowledge. Pankaja has written many books; she has been a well-known author. And here I have given her the work of cleaning. In the beginning it was very hurtful to her ego. She must have been hoping some day to get a Nobel prize! And she has been wondering what she is doing here. Her books have been praised and appreciated, and rather than giving her some work nourishing to her ego I have given her very ego-shattering work: cleaning the toilets of the ashram. It was difficult for her to swallow, but she is a courageous soul, she swallowed it. And slowly slowly she has become relaxed.
Pankaja, it is not special to you; it takes time for everybody. And the more successful you have been in life, the more it takes for you to get it, because your very success is nothing but a prop, a new prop for the ego - and ego is the barrier. The ego has to be shattered, uprooted totally, smashed, burned, so nothing remains of it. It is arduous work, hard work.
And sometimes it looks as if the master is cruel. But the master has to be cruel because he loves you, because he has compassion for you. It may appear paradoxical in the beginning - because if you have compassion, then you can’t be cruel. That is the complexity of the work: that if the master is really compassionate he cannot sympathize with anything that nourishes your ego.
So I have been in every way shattering Pankaja’s ego. She has been crying and weeping and freaking out.but slowly slowly things have settled. The storm is no more and a great silence has come in.
In fact, if you think of your many past lives - such a long long sleep, such a long long dreaming - then just being here with me for two, three years is not a long time if the silence has started permeating your being. Even if it happens in thirty years’ time it is happening soon.
Many people come to me and ask, “Osho, when is my satori going to happen?”
I say, “Very soon” - but remember what I mean by “very soon.” It may take thirty years, forty years, fifty years, but that is very soon. Looking at your long long journey of darkness, if within thirty years we can create the light it is really as fast as it can be.