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Chapter 3: The Sword and the Lotus

“Monsieur,” replies Madame Fifi, from behind the counter, “we have pink ones, blue ones, green ones and ones with feathers - but no black ones.”

“That is too bad,” thinks Harry to himself, wondering how he is going to get a black hat.

“But, monsieur,” asks Madame Fifi, “may I ask you why you want a black one?”

“Oui! Oui!” replies Harry, hopefully. “It is for my wife; you see, she is dead!”

“Ah!” gasps Madame Fifi, with admiration, “you British - so cultured!”

Jack and Jill Jerk are sitting in their living room one evening, talking about the future of their young son, George.

“Gee, Jack,” says Jill, “I wonder what little George will grow up to be.”

“I know how we can find out,” says Jack. “Watch this.” And Jack pulls a ten-dollar bill out of his pocket, setting it on the table. “If he takes this money,” says Jack smiling, “then he will grow up to be a banker.”

Then Jack takes a dusty old Bible off the bookshelf and sets it on the table next to the money.

“Now,” says Jack excitedly, “if he takes the Bible, for sure he will grow up to be a great TV evangelist like Jimmy Bakker!”

Next, Jack pulls out a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet and sets it on the table alongside the other items.

“And,” says Jack seriously, “if he goes for this whiskey bottle, then he will just turn out to be a bum!”

Quietly, Jack and Jill Jerk go and hide in the next room when they hear little George coming in. George is whistling happily when he suddenly sees all the articles sitting on the table. He looks around to make sure that he is alone, and then he walks over and picks up the ten-dollar bill. He holds it up to the light and fingers it gently. Then he puts it down, and picks up the Bible. He blows the dust off and thumbs through a few pages, and puts it back down.

Little George looks around again, then he quickly uncorks the whiskey bottle and sniffs the contents.

Suddenly, in one motion, he stuffs the money in his pocket, sticks the Bible under his arm, grabs the whiskey bottle by the neck and walks out of the room, whistling.

“My goodness,” says Mrs. Jerk, “what does that mean he will grow up to be?”

“Ah!” cries her husband, “it means he is going to be a politician!”

Justice Dung is the presiding judge in a case where Paddy is called as a witness. The judge is asking Paddy some questions.

“Did you see the defense witness fall over in the street?” asks Justice Dung.