Chapter 6: The Three Psychologies
In America they have made plastic women and plastic men. They work perfectly well. A plastic woman, if you play with her breasts, the breasts get an erection, they become warm. You can make love to a plastic woman and it is as fulfilling as any woman; even more because there is no fight, no conflict. Finished, you can throw the woman and go to sleep. That’s all that people are doing. Whether the woman is plastic or real makes no difference. And the woman goes on using the man.
Whenever you use another as a means it is immoral. The other is an end in himself, but the other becomes an end in himself only in the second stage of your being, when you love. Then you love for the other. Then you are not using. Then the other is important, significant. The other is an end in himself or herself. You are grateful. No exploitation is possible in love; you help the other. It is not a bargain. You enjoy helping, you enjoy sharing and you are grateful that the other gives you an opportunity to share.
Love is subtle. The grosser realm of sex is left. The other has become an end but still there is a need, a subtle need. Because when you love a person a subtle expectation is hidden somewhere that the other should love you, even though unconsciously. It follows like a shadow that the other should love you. There is still a need to be loved - better than sex but still an expectation. And that expectation will be the jarring note in love. It is not yet perfect.
Compassion is the highest quality of love, the highest purity. Now expectation is also not there. The other is not a means, the other is an end. And now you don’t expect anything, you simply give whatsoever you can give. Expectation has completely gone. A buddha is a total giver. He goes on giving, he enjoys giving. It is simple sharing. Now it has become compassion - the same energy and the same need on different planes of being. That’s why sex disappears in a buddha, because it reappears as compassion.
The fourth question:
You spoke of the lives of Jung and Freud, and I have heard that Janov has not tried his own methods, and he seems to be a very, very ambitious man. Can you comment on his methods and whether he has healed himself at all?
That’s the problem in the West with all the thinkers - they have not tried their own methods. In fact, they have stumbled upon those methods not as part of their spiritual search. They have stumbled upon those methods working on their patients.