Chapter 40: Absolutely without Any Goals
On another junction, just as you are saying.the train was announced again and again, “one hour late.two hours late.” I could not believe it when I heard that it is one hour late; then it became two hours late, then it became four hours late. I said, “My God, is it coming this side or is it going the other way? If it was one hour late, how it can be suddenly four hours late now?”
I went to the stationmaster and I asked, “In which direction is the train going?”
He said, “Don’t be angry. It is just to protect our lives that we cannot declare that it is forty-eight hours late; people will kill us. So we declare in installments; it keeps people calm and quiet that “just one hour more.okay two hours more.and by these installments we manage forty-eight hours.”
I said, “I can understand your great compassion; otherwise there would be many heart attacks, heart failures.if you start declaring it exactly right.” I have seen trains coming sixty hours late and I have been sitting on the platform for sixty hours, but it was always “two hours more.two hours more.” It can happen only in this country, which has learned to live patiently - nobody bothers. People accept it as if it is determined by fate; you cannot do anything about it.
But you went through a really beautiful experience - it was because of your patience. You say the moment you covered your face with your straw hat and cried.. It must have cleaned your eyes and it must have softened your heart, and when you looked again, the flies had a psychedelic color - their wings in the sun rays were tremendously beautiful. The noises on the platform suddenly became an orchestra. It was patience and it was crying that gave you a very new experience.
Ordinarily man has been brought up with the idea that crying is only for women, not for men, although nature has made tear glands of equal size behind the eyes of men and women, both. It is absolutely certain that nature intends men also to cry and weep and have tears. You may not have cried in your whole life. Crying was such a new experience to you, so relaxing, creating a kind of let-go, that everything around you which was disgusting just a few moments before became beautiful.
Crying is certainly one of the most important things for everybody to learn. There may be millions of people who have never cried. They don’t know the joy of it, how it relaxes, how it cleanses your eyes - not only the outer eyes but your inner vision - and how it makes trees look more green, the sound of words more clear. The noises in a marketplace certainly start changing into a harmony because you are in a harmony.
You dropped the hope, you cried over it, you became innocent like a child. You should learn something from that experience. The platform of Varanasi station turned, for you, into a religious experience.