Chapter 4: What Type of Heaven Is This?
It is not for cowards. Allow fear. Only one thing is to be understood: when you allow fear and you tremble - watch it, enjoy it; and in that watching you will transcend it, you will see the body is trembling, you will see the mind is trembling, but you will come to feel a point within you, a deep center, which remains unaffected.
The storm passes by, but somewhere deep within you is a center which is untouched: the center of the cyclone.
Allow fear, don’t fight with it. Watch what is happening. Go on watching. As your watching eye becomes more penetrating and intense - the body will be trembling, the mind will be trembling - deep within you will be consciousness, which simply is a witness, which only watches.
It remains untouched, like a lotus flower in water.
Only when you attain to that will you attain to fearlessness.
But that fearlessness is not being unafraid. That fearlessness is not bravery. That fearlessness is a realization that you are two - a part of you will die, and a part of you is eternal. That part which is going to die is going to remain always afraid. And the part that is not going to die, which is immortal, for it, there is no point in being afraid. Then a deep harmony exists.
You can use fear for meditation. Use all that you have for meditation, so that you go beyond.
The last question.
The more I seem to grow, the more ugly I seem to become. Why is this?
There is a Zen saying, that when a seeker comes to a master, rivers are rivers, mountains are mountains, but once in contact with the master, soon rivers are no more rivers, mountains are no more mountains, everything is disturbed.
But if he continues, and does not escape in the middle - again a moment comes: mountains are mountains, rivers are rivers.
This is the process. When you start meditating you have a false personality, a painted face, which you have made beautiful according to the social needs. It is false, but you are identified with it. Then you start meditating; that face starts becoming loose, sometimes it slips, you come to feel your real face - you become afraid, it looks ugly.
That’s why you had painted it. That’s why you were hiding it under a mask. But meditation will drop all the masks. It is a search for the original face.