Chapter 20: The Other: Hell, or the Door to the Divine
Our life is valuable and it is not to be wasted. And if you try to understand your life and the problems that arise with the other, you will find it hilarious, because all your problems are so tiny that to fight for them is possible only if you have a retarded head.
If the man has the right to fulfill his dreams, the woman has also the same right to fulfill her dreams. And when you have decided to be together, now it becomes something of a sacred duty to be careful that you don’t trample on the dreams of the other.
Nothing hurts more than when a dream is crushed, when a hope dies, when the future becomes dark, when all the great ideas that you have been thinking your life to be made of seem to be impossible because this woman, or this man, is continuously destroying your mood, destroying your peace, destroying your silence. And when these things are destroyed, you cannot be creative. You can only be destructive, you can only be violent.
Life has immense treasures, which remain unknown to people because they don’t have time. Their whole time is engaged in some kind of fight with someone - the other. The other contains the whole world. And the greatest calamity that happens is that when you are fighting with the other, you slowly, slowly forget yourself. Your whole focus becomes the other, and when the focus becomes the other, you are lost. Then when are you going to remember yourself? When are you going to find your innermost source of life? When you are going to search for beauty and truth and poetry and art? You will miss everything, just quarreling with a woman or with a man! Are you together to quarrel? Perhaps.because to be alone and without anybody to fight is very difficult.
In madhouses, I have seen people fighting with themselves, boxing in the air! I have asked the superintendent, “What is happening?” And he said, “These people used to fight. They were brought into the madhouse thinking that when there was nobody to fight, they would stop fighting. But logic goes one way, life goes another. Instead of stopping fighting, they have started fighting with themselves. Now they don’t need the other. They have divided themselves into two persons: they are themselves and the other.”
In a way, in a very roundabout way, they have come very close to reality. Surabhi, your desire for the other, your longing that without the other you will never be complete, is absolutely true. And this is the insight of every human being; they are all right about this fact: that without the other you are not going to have a feeling of wholeness, of completion, of arriving home. This feeling is all over the world.
But why doesn’t it happen? Because man needs a new psychology to understand himself. The old psychology does not give him much understanding.
The new psychology will be based on the experiences of a certain, most ancient school - Tantra.