Chapter 8: Going Alone
Ordinarily you will not think it is a nightmare. But if you think a little more closely: every day, every night the same dream of utter futility, reaching nowhere.. There seems to be no destiny, and nobody is in the boots, they are empty.
He told all the well-known psychoanalysts of his day in Russia. Nobody could figure out what it meant, because there is no book that describes any dream which can even be called a little bit similar to this. It is absolutely unique.
But to me there is no question of any psychoanalysis. It is a simple dream, representing every human being’s life. You are walking in a desert because you are not walking towards the goal that is intrinsic in your being. You are not going to reach anywhere. The more you go away, the more you will be going away from yourself. And the more you look for any meaning the more you will find utter emptiness and nothing else. That is the meaning. The man is missing; only the boots are walking.
You are not in what you are doing. You are not in what you are being. You are not in what you are pretending. It is utter hollowness, pure hypocrisy.
But the way it has been created is a simple method: Tell everybody: “As you are, you are absolutely undeserving - even to exist. As you are, you are just ugly, an accident. As you are, you should be ashamed of yourself because you don’t have anything worthy of honor and respect.” Naturally, every child starts doing things that are supposed to be honorable. He goes on becoming more and more false, more and more phony, more and more distant from his authentic reality, his very being - and then the fear arises.
Whenever a longing is felt to know yourself, it is immediately followed by great fear. The fear is that if you find yourself you are going to lose respect for yourself - even in your own eyes.
The society is too heavy on every individual. It makes every effort to condition you so heavily that you start thinking that you are the conditioning - and you become part of the society, against your own being. You become a Christian, you become a Hindu, you become a Mohammedan, and you forget completely that you were born just as a human being, with no religion, with no politics, with no nation, with no race.
You were born just a pure possibility of growth.
According to me, sannyas is to bring you back to yourself, whatsoever the consequences, whatsoever the risk. You have to come back to yourself. You may not find a Jesus there. There is no need: one Jesus is enough. You may not find a Gautam Buddha. It is perfectly okay, because too many Gautam Buddhas in existence will be simply boring.
Existence does not want to repeat people. It is so creative that it always brings something new in each individual, a new potential, a new possibility, a new height, a new dimension, a new peak.