Chapter 3: The Fire of Awareness
This smiling is something new. This deception is something new. The body has no mechanism for it, so you have to force the smile without the chemicals flowing in which help to smile, which help to laugh. No chemicals to laugh.you have to force a smile, a false smile. And the body has released chemicals into the blood - now what will the body do? The body has a language that it understands very well, but you are behaving in a very mad, insane way. Now there is a gap created between you and your body.
This mechanism is unconscious, this mechanism is nonvoluntary. Your volition, your will is not needed, because will takes time and there are situations when no time can be lost. A tiger has attacked you: now there is no time for mentation. You cannot contemplate what to do. You have to act without the mind. If mind comes in you are lost. You cannot think. You cannot say to the tiger, “Wait! Let me think about it, what to do.” You have to act immediately, without any consciousness.
So the body has a mechanism. The tiger is there: the mind just knows the tiger is there - body begins to work. That working is not dependent on the mind, because mind is a very slow worker, very inefficient. It cannot be relied upon in emergency situations, so body begins to work. You will run away. You are frightened, you will escape.
But the same thing happens when you are standing on a platform to address a big audience. There is no tiger, but you are frightened by the great gathering. Fear takes shape; the body is informed. That information is automatic, that you are in fear. The body begins to release chemicals - the same chemicals it will release when a tiger attacks you. There is no tiger, there is no one who is really attacking you. But an audience is a deep attack: everyone, really, is aggressive. That’s why you have become afraid.
Now the body is ready to fight or take flight, but both the alternatives are closed. You have to stand there and speak. Now your body begins to perspire, even on a cold night. Why? Because the body is ready to run or to fight. The blood is circulating more, heat is created, and you are standing there. So you begin to perspire, and then a subtle trembling takes over. Your whole body begins to tremble.
It is just the same if you start a car and press the accelerator and the brake both, simultaneously. The engine will be heated, raced, and you are braking also. The whole body of the car will tremble. The same happens when you are standing on a platform. You feel fear. The body is ready to run, the accelerator is pushed, but you cannot run. You have to address the gathering. You are a leader or something; you cannot run. You have to face them, and you have to be there standing on the platform. You have to take the floor.
Now you are doing two things simultaneously, very contradictory. You are also pressing the brake: “Don’t run!” And the body is ready to run. You begin to tremble, heat is created. Now your body feels, “How are you behaving?” The body cannot understand you. A gap is created. The unconscious goes on doing something else and the conscious goes on doing something else. You are divided. This gap has to be understood deeply. In our every act this gap is there.