Chapter 21: Spice in Buddha’s Pot
That is the greatness of Gautam Buddha - that great philosophers merged with him, great cultures merged with him, but his essential truth remained unaffected. It is still the same.
It has taken all the beauties from everywhere, it has collected all the juice from all possible sources, but it has not lost its own identity. It is so certain of its own identity that it is not afraid of mixing with anyone, everyone.
This certainty is possible only if the truth is your own experience. You are not a prophet, not a savior, not a messiah, you are not a postman bringing a message from God - this certainty is possible only if the truth is your own.
I get so confused when it comes to women. I have so much trouble seeing the reality.
When a woman loves me, I feel strong, attractive, and I like myself much more. Then other women are attracted to me and I go to them.
That’s when confusion really sets in.
If I act on the attraction, the woman who loves me, stops; then I feel guilty, weak, and unattractive, and lose the other women too. If I don’t act on the attraction I feel false, cowardly, and angry with the woman who loved me.
It seems like it’s necessary to walk a tight wire, and I get tired after a while and the fall is so painful.
Osho, I know my ego must be intermixed with all this, but I can’t seem to sort it out. I have recently fallen in love again, and I’m afraid it will again end disastrously.
Would you please comment?
The basic problem is not love. Love is never a problem. The basic problem is that you don’t have any self-respect, any individuality. You are made up only of the opinions of others.
So if a woman loves you, you feel great because the woman gives you the sense that you must be beautiful. You don’t have any sensibility about yourself - your beauty, your intelligence. You are very much dependent. That’s where the problem is. And because the woman’s love makes you feel great, beautiful, approved, appreciated.. You are not really in love with the woman, you are using her love for something else that you are missing - your self-appreciation. And you are becoming dependent.
If the woman stops loving you, again you will be ugly, again you will lose the small support that you had found, again you will start drowning in the ocean.
And because the woman gives you the sense of greatness and beauty and a certain individuality, other women also become attracted to you. Then you feel even more a hero.
You love to be loved. But you don’t know what love is.