Chapter 5: Dropping the Ego Now
The river of time is needed for the ego. That’s why the ego always thinks in terms of the gradual, in terms of degrees. The ego says: “Okay, enlightenment is possible - but time is needed,” because you will have to work for it, prepare, get ready. Listen, this is a very logical thing. For everything time is needed. If you sow a seed, time is needed for the tree to grow. If a child is to be born, if a child is to be created, time is needed. The womb will need time. The child will have to grow. Everything grows around you. For growth time is needed, so it seems logical that spiritual growth will also need time.
But this is the point to be understood: spiritual growth is not really a growth like a seed. The seed has to grow to become a tree. Between the seed and the tree there is a gap. That gap has to be traveled, there is distance. You don’t grow like a seed; you are already the growth. It is just a revelation. There is no distance between you as you are and you as you will be. There is no distance. The ideal, the perfect, is already there.
So it is not really a question of growth, but just a question of unveiling. It is a discovery. Something is hidden - you pull away the screen and it is there. It is just as if you are sitting with closed eyes: the sun is there on the horizon, but you are in darkness. Suddenly you open your eyes and it is day, it is light.
The spiritual growth is not really a growth. The word is erroneous. Spiritual growth is a revelation. Something that was hidden becomes unhidden. Something that was already there, you realize it, that it is there. Something that you had never missed, simply forgotten, you remember it. That’s why mystics go on using the word remembering. They say the divine is not an achievement, it is simply a remembrance. Something you have forgotten, you remember.
Really, no time is needed. But the mind says, the ego says that for everything time is needed, for everything to grow time is needed. And if you become a victim of this logical thought, then you will never achieve it. Then you will go on postponing. You will say tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, and it will never come because tomorrow never comes.
If you can understand what I am saying, that the ego can be dropped this very moment, and if it is true, then the question arises: Why is it not dropping? Why can’t you drop it? If there is no question of gradual growth, then why are you not dropping it? Because you don’t want to drop it. This will shock you, because you go on thinking that you want to drop it. Reconsider it, think again. You don’t want to drop it, hence it continues. It is not a question of time. Because you don’t want to drop it, nothing can be done.
Mysterious are the ways of the mind. You think that you want to drop it, and deep down you know you don’t want to drop it. You may like to polish it a little more, you may like it to be more refined, but you don’t really want to drop it. If you want to drop it there is no one who is preventing you. No barrier exists. Just for the wanting it can be dropped. But if you don’t want to drop it nothing can be done. Even a thousand buddhas working on you will fail, because nothing can be done from the outside.