Chapter 10: Obeying the Warrior Within
If I create a conflict between my two hands, left and right, I can go on fighting but there will be no victory and no defeat, because both hands belong to me. The urge for sex belongs to me and the urge to go beyond sex also belongs to me: they are both my hands. I can go on fighting, I can go on changing parties, sometimes being with the right hand, sometimes with the left - but nothing is going to happen because I am within both. How can there be defeat or victory? For defeat and victory at least two are needed, and I am alone, fighting with myself. This whole fight is a shadow fight, nonsense.
What to do? This sutra gives you the key: Stand aside in the.battle, and though thou fightest be not thou the warrior. Stand aside. Be a witness.
Remember this word witness. This is one of the key words in the search for spirituality. If you can understand this word and practice it, you don’t need anything else. Even this one key will open all the doors of paradise. This is a master key, any lock can be opened by it. What does it mean to stand aside?
When sex arises in you, you get identified with it. Then, when you have moved through the sex act, depression sets in because you hoped for so much and nothing has happened. You longed for too much, you expected too much, and nothing has happened. The whole thing has just been a fraud. You feel betrayed, deceived. Then, repentance sets in and you start thinking in anti-sex terms. You start thinking about how to be a brahmacharya, how to be a celibate. You think in terms of being a monk: you go against sex. Then you get identified with that “anti” attitude.
Witnessing means: when sex arises, stand aside and look at it. Don’t get identified. Don’t say, “I have become sex,” say, “Sexual desire has arisen in me. Now I must observe it.” Don’t be for it and don’t be against it. Remain quiet and calm - just an observer.
That doesn’t mean suppress it, because suppression will not allow you to know what it is. Don’t suppress it. Suppression means that you are identified with the “anti” attitude. Remember this: if you suppress, you are identified with the “anti” attitude. Don’t suppress and don’t get identified. Allow it to happen. Don’t be afraid, just wait and watch.
Move in the sex act but with a watchful eye, knowing well what is happening and allowing it to happen. Not disturbing it, not suppressing it - allowing it to become manifest in its totality, but standing aside as if you are watching someone else.
The act will move to its peak. Go with it, but always standing at the side. Know whatsoever is happening in detail. Be alert, don’t lose awareness. Then, from the peak, you will start falling down and the “anti” attitude will set in. Be alert again. Don’t get identified with the “anti” attitude. Look at what is happening: the wave has gone up to a peak, now the wave is falling down. Sex is the wave arising. Brahmacharya, the “anti” attitude toward sex, is the wave falling down.
Be aware, be alert. Don’t be for or against, don’t condemn, don’t make any judgment. Don’t be a judge, just be a witness. Don’t say, “This is good, that is bad.” Don’t say anything. Just be alert and watch what is happening. Be true to the facts; don’t give any interpretation. That’s what witnessing means.