Chapter 11: Ego Is Just a Habit
And once you have learnt the cheaper kind of love, the plastic kind, then it is very difficult to discover the original, the real, the authentic. Then he has to love his sisters and brothers, and there is no reason really. In fact, who loves his own sister and for what? These are all ideas implanted to keep the family together. But this whole process of falsification brings you to a point where when you fall in love that love also is false.
You have forgotten what real love is. You fall in love with the color of the hair - now, what has that to do with love? After two days you will not look at the color of the hair at all. Or you fall in love with a certain shape of nose or a certain kind of eyes, but after the honeymoon these things are just boring! And then you have to go on managing somehow, pretending, cheating.
Your spontaneity has been corrupted and poisoned, otherwise you would not fall in love with parts. But you only fall in love with parts. If somebody asks you, “Why do you love this woman or this man?” your answer will be, “Because she looks so beautiful,” or, “Because of her nose, eyes, proportion of the body, this and that” - and all this is nonsense! Then this love cannot be very deep and cannot be of any value. It cannot become intimacy. It cannot have a lifelong flow; soon it will dry up - it is so superficial. It has not arisen out of the heart, it is a mind phenomenon. Maybe she looks like an actress and that’s why you like her, but liking is not love.
Love is a totally different kind of phenomenon, indefinable, mysterious - so mysterious that Jesus says, “God is love.” He makes God and love synonymous, indefinable. But that natural love is lost.
And, you say:
Shouldn’t we be loving as much as we can?
Do you think it is a question of doing something as much as you can? It is not a question of doing. It is a heart phenomenon. It is a kind of transcendence of the mind and body. It is not prose, it is poetry. It is not mathematics, it is music. You cannot do it, you can only be it. Love is not something that you do, love is something that you are. But these “shoulds” are heavy on your spontaneity.
And you say:
If there are certain things to do or ways to be
to increase our capacity for joy,
shouldn’t we do them?
The whole idea is of doing something, and the reality is discovered by being, not by doing. The question is not of doing anything; the question is of becoming silent and discovering your being. Doing is always extrovert.