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Chapter 38: Toward the Authentic Being

You will become afraid if you feel a nothingness within. You want to be something definable, definite. There is no one who is definite inside; the outer space is infinite and the inner space is also infinite. That is why Buddha insisted that there is no soul, no atman. You are just a vacant space - infinite.

It is difficult to feel oneself as this infinite space unless you make an arduous effort. One becomes identified with the boundaries. It is easier to feel oneself that way - with the boundaries. Your name is just a boundary, your body is just a boundary, your thoughts are just a boundary. For outer utility, for your own convenience also, you become identified. Then, once you become identified, accumulation goes on and on and on, and with accumulation you feel a fulfillment of the ego. You are identified with your riches, then you go on accumulating. You have a feeling you are growing greater, bigger. You have a big house, then a bigger house, then a still bigger house, so you feel that you are getting bigger and bigger, and that is how greed is born.

Greed is nothing but an expansion, an effort to expand the ego. But howsoever great you become in your ego, you can never become infinite, and you are infinite within. If you can look into the nothingness you are infinite within. That is why ego is never satisfied. Ultimately it is frustrating. It cannot become infinite; it will remain finite.

This is how one always has a spiritual discontent. You are infinite. Nothing less will be helpful for you and nothing less will ever satisfy you. But every boundary is going to be finite. It is needed, it is necessary in a way, useful, but it is not true, it is not the truth. This inner mirror, this inner mind, is pure consciousness - just consciousness.

Just look at the light. You say the room is filled with light, but how do you see the light? You have never seen light itself, you cannot see it; you always see something lighted. Light falls on the walls, light falls on the books, light falls on other persons. It is reflected on those objects. Because you can see objects, you say light is there. When you cannot see objects, you say there is darkness. You have never seen light pure in itself. It is always seen reflected on some object.

Consciousness is even purer than light. It is the purest possibility in existence. If you become totally silent, all boundaries disappear and you will not be able to say who you are. You simply are, because there is no object you can feel yourself to be in contrast with. You cannot say that you are a subject, soul, or even a consciousness. Because of this purity of consciousness, you always know yourself through something else; you cannot know yourself directly. So when you create boundaries, you feel that you know yourself. With a name you feel you know yourself; with your riches you feel you know yourself. Something around you becomes the boundary and the pure consciousness is reflected back.

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