Chapter 9: You Need a Little Laughter
Now drop it! Don’t try to be self-confident again!
What is wrong in being unconfident? What is wrong in being hesitant, in being in a state of helplessness, incapable? In fact that is how reality is. Everybody is helpless, and has to be, because everybody is such a tiny part, how can you think yourself capable? So infinite a number of possibilities surround you; so much unknown comes each day and has to be encountered. How you have lived up to now is a sheer miracle. There is no reason for it.
The feeling of being shattered came because your confidence was lost. The confidence is false; just on the surface like a crust of thin ice. The crust is very deceptive and any day you will fall into it, so it is better to know it. Just underneath is ocean, an infinite depth, an abyss. A thin layer of ice cannot protect you. It is better to be aware of it and to be aware of the danger.
It was not fear, it has nothing to do with fear. We have been taught, very wrongly, to be self-confident and to always be capable - or at least pretend to be. Man is helpless! The strong are as helpless as the weakest; the difference is not much. When a Napoleon dies, or an Alexander dies, he is just like any ordinary man - as helpless as a beggar, and there is no difference. The difference was only a pretension.
Drop that confidence. Even if for a few days that trembling remains, let it, but don’t try to regain the old thin layer of ice. If you can remain with your incapability, your helplessness, I don’t say you will never be weak again. The weakness arises with the idea that you are not weak. Then you have a comparison, an image, and when you fall short of it the trouble arises.
Once you accept whatsoever is, suddenly comparisons disappear: you are simply alone and yourself. Nobody is like you, nobody has ever been or will be like you; you are simply unique, incomparable. This experience has been beautiful. Don’t take it wrongly or you will again restructure yourself.
All these groups are to unstructure you, to destroy you - you as you are - and just to allow the spontaneity in you, as you were before you were born, as you will be when you die.
It was tremendously valuable, but you threw it away completely, and it won’t be of much use. You may even become more structured than before, because now you know that the old structure doesn’t work so well, you can make a stronger one around you.