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Chapter 6: I Exalt the Ordinary

Collapsed from the strain.

Said his doctor, “‘Tis plain,

You are killing yourself by degrees!”

A very agitated professor, a father-to-be, desperate for a son, was pacing up and down in the waiting room at the maternity hospital. Eventually the midwife came out of the delivery room and said to him, “It’s all over, Dr. Jones. Congratulations!”

Still in a state of total panic he replied, “Am I a father or a mother?”

That’s what it means: BAMAPHDLLD.

A professor-couple living in the country received an invitation from the local squire to a fancy-dress party. They decided to go as a cow, with the husband at the front and the wife at the back.

The party was to be held in the squire’s mansion, which was only across a couple of fields, so they thought they might as well walk across in costume.

They had only got half way across the first field when the husband, in the front, said to his wife, “Don’t panic, darling, but there’s a bull looking at us.”

So they kept walking and the bull kept looking. Then the bull started pawing the ground and making his way towards them in a meaningful manner.

“He’s charging us, darling, he’s charging!” said the husband.

“What are we going to do?” yelled the wife.

So the husband said, “I am going to bend down and eat grass - you had better brace yourself!”

It was the young British professor’s first visit to the United States, and in his innocence he sought lodging in the city’s red-light district. His money, however, was as green as his outlook, and the madam gladly offered him a room for the night.

When a friend questioned him about his accommodation over lunch the following day, the young Briton replied, “Well, the room was very pretentious, you know, but Gad, what maid service!”

The so-called learned, the scholarly, the knowledgeable go on living in a world of their own fictions. They have no concern for reality at all; they are disconnected from the real. And it is the real which can make your life a joy, a bliss.

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