Chapter 19: The Golden Flower Is Opening
Watch your mind: how much dreaming continues. And it is not only that you dream in the night, you are continuously in a dream. Even while you think you are awake, even in the daytime, the continuity is not broken. At any moment close your eyes and relax and you will immediately see dreams floating. They are always there like an undercurrent, they never leave you. They are constantly present and constantly affecting your being. Their existence is subliminal. You may not be alert about them, you may not even suspect their existence but they are continuously there. Even when you are listening to me, there is that movie inside you, continuing, that drama of dreams. Hence you cannot hear what I am saying. First it has to pass through your dreams, and your dreams distort it; you hear something else that has not been said. Your dreams distort, your dreams manipulate, your dreams project, your dreams change things: I say one thing, you hear quite another.
And those dreams are very powerful inside you, and you don’t know what to do with those dreams. In fact you have become so identified with the dreams that you don’t know that you are separate, that you can watch, that you can be distant, that you can be just an onlooker. You have become too identified with the dreams.
Just the other day I was talking about poor Habib. Now he has become so identified with being a Jungian analyst that he cannot watch what is happening. I had mentioned that just two days before, I had finished my talk at 9:45, and he wrote a letter at 9:55, after just ten minutes. Yesterday he went even further: while I was talking he was writing the letter! While I was discussing him, he could not wait even ten minutes. And that’s what I was saying: Wait a little, be a little patient, meditate over it. You cannot understand these things immediately; you are not in that state of understanding, of clarity, of perception. But while I was talking he started writing the letter. At exactly the same time, while I was talking, he was writing the letter. Now what could he write? I had not even talked, I had not even spoken. He must have heard, he must have taken the clue from his own mind. He could not understand a single word. His dream seems to be too strong, he is burdened by his knowledge. And I was saying “Let your Jungian ego drop.”
But do you know what happened? Habib died - he renounced sannyas rather than dropping the Jungian ego. That’s what he heard. I was saying “Drop the Jungian ego!”; he heard something else. He heard, “Then this sannyas is not for me. I cannot drop my knowledge, that’s all I have. And how can I drop it? How can one put the mind aside? It is impossible! So it is better to drop sannyas.” He dropped sannyas. Now Habib no longer exists, he died a very early death. In fact, he died before he was born.
What happened? Could he not see the point? Who prevented him from seeing the point? His mind must have become much too crowded. All that he has been reading, accumulating - he has become much too attached to it. He had come here to seek and search. What kind of search is this if you are not ready to leave anything of your ego? What kind of inquiry is this?
People usually think they are spiritual seekers if they can add something more to their egos. Your so-called spiritual trips are nothing but subtle trips of the ego. People want more gratification for the ego, more strength for the ego, more vitality for the ego. They want a holy aura around the ego, and the holy aura arises only when the ego is gone. They cannot co-exist.