Chapter 8: The Gift of Existence
It is just the same when the energy which had been sound asleep within you awakens - it manifests and your body is not ready for it. Your body is ready to accept your being a beggar, it cannot accept your being an emperor. The body has limits, you have no limits. It will be jolted, storms will arise. Before enlightenment happens, before samadhi, these shocks are completely natural. And sometimes it happens that samadhi happens and the shocks continue, the storms continue, because the body was not able to get ready.
This is what has happened in Krishnamurti’s case. The process has continued for forty years after attaining the ultimate. The body could not absorb the shock. Krishnamurti will wake up in the middle of the night shouting and screaming. He will start to growl - really growling. And for forty years he has had a headache that doesn’t go away; it comes and goes but it never totally leaves him. Sometimes the pain is so strong that it feels his head will burst.
From the standpoint of the body, these last forty years have been years of great difficulty for Krishnamurti. Sometimes it happens this way. But usually the body becomes ready as samadhi happens. But with Krishnamurti the body could not adjust because samadhi had been forced. The thinkers that brought Krishnamurti up, those theosophists, worked hard, made untiring efforts to bring on samadhi. Their aspiration was to give birth to a world teacher. The world needs it - if a Buddha can be incarnated..
If Krishnamurti had worked only by his own efforts, perhaps then he would have needed one or two more births. But then this problem would not have arisen. The work was forced: what needed two lifetimes to happen, happened instantly. It happened, but the body could not get ready. It happened suddenly, when the body was not ready. So there have been forty years of physical suffering. Even now Krishnamurti growls at night and wakes up again and again from his sleep. The energy won’t let him sleep. He screams!
It seems amazing that a person who has achieved the ultimate should scream at night. But the cause is clear. An enlightenment that should have taken two lifetimes to happen was forced too quickly. Because of this the body was not ready and the process continues.
Samadhi has happened, but this process continues. He has reached home, but the body remains behind, still being dragged along. The being has reached home, the body has not. The pain and suffering of this dragging continues.
Don’t be frightened by what is happening. These are the first indications of samadhi, the first steps of samadhi. Take them as auspicious, accept them happily. If you are ready to accept them as blessings, then very soon they will slowly become quiet. And as soon as the body begins to accept, begins to cooperate, the readiness and capacity of the body increases.
You have called out to the infinite, so you will have to become in-finite. You have challenged the vastness, so you will have to become vast.
There is a very unique story in the Old Testament - the story of Jacob. Jacob was seeking God. He distributed all his wealth. He sent all his beloved friends, his wife, his children, his servants - he sent them all far away. He was waiting for God on the deserted bank of a river. God arrived.