Chapter 7: On the Utility of Not-Being
So almost ninety-nine percent of the love affairs on this earth are false. Sooner or later you come to realize that they have been deceptive. Lovers come to realize that they have been deceived, fooled. But they think that the other has fooled them, they never think that they have also done the same thing to the other. And they don’t understand the misery of human beings and their stupidity. If they understood their own stupidity, what they are doing, they would be able to feel compassion for all. When you cannot be alone, silent, it means you are afraid of your loneliness, you want to fill it by somebody. You pretend. The other is also doing the same with you, he cannot be alone. Two persons who cannot be alone are trying to be together; now this is going to be a miserable phenomenon, a hell.
If you cannot love yourself in your loneliness, how can the other love you? How can you expect anybody to love you if you cannot love yourself? If you are so fed up with your loneliness, sooner or later the other will also be fed up with your loneliness. You cannot fill it, it is something that cannot be filled. It is something that exists as part of your being - you cannot fill it, it has to remain empty. It will remain empty. All efforts fail to fill it.
So the first thing is to get in tune with this emptiness, to allow it, to live it. Don’t suppress and don’t escape. Feel it, enjoy it - and by and by you will understand the beauty of it. Once you understand the beauty of your loneliness it becomes aloneness. Then it is no more empty, then it is no more nothingness. Then it is a purity - it is so pure that it is formless.
Always remember the difference between aloneness and loneliness. Loneliness is like a wound. Loneliness means you are missing the other. Loneliness means you are thinking of the other constantly, you are hankering for the other constantly. The other is in your fantasy, in your mind, in your dreams. The other is not real, is imaginary, but the other is there and because it is not real you feel lonely.
When you start feeling your aloneness, the other has dropped from your mind completely. It no more shadows your dreams, it no more touches your purity. You are happy with yourself, you are ecstatic with yourself, you are enjoying yourself. Now for the first time you are in tune with your being and with your non-being. You are whole.
Now you can be in love. Now love can flow. But now love will be a sharing, not an escape. Now you can go and share your being - and your non-being also. Now you can share your wholeness. Now you can allow anybody who is open to join your openness, now you can become partners in the eternal journey. This love will not be possessive, because you are ready to be alone anytime. In fact you are happy being alone, you are happy being together - you don’t choose. Both are good. Whatsoever the case you feel happy. Your happiness cannot be destroyed now; the other can enjoy it and share it, but cannot destroy it.
You can share and you can distribute it and you can give it to the whole world; you have so much of it that you can bless the whole world with it. And it goes on growing; the more you give the more you find it is there. Now you are not a miser; now your being is not constipated, you are not closed, not afraid. You can give, you can share, because you know your non-being also. Now you are not afraid of being a non-being. Now you know definitely that it is part of your being and the beauty of your being; it is your inner space where you can move, the inner shrine, the real temple.