Chapter 10: Just One Moment.
I call this meditation. Meditation is not any method which can be done once and then forgotten. Meditation is a continuous process of awareness. You have to be aware all twenty-four hours; while standing, while sitting, be aware. When a beautiful woman passes by on the road a licentious person will gaze at her. But if you are a gentleman you cannot gaze at her openly. You try to see her indirectly, you make an excuse of looking at a shop which is in her direction. But if you have suppressed yourself very deeply then you don’t look anywhere - neither at the shop nor at the woman, you just go on with your head down without looking left or right. Then at night you will see that beautiful woman in your dream because you really did want to see her.
And this is also possible - that you have got into the habit of walking with your head down and with your eyes looking down. Out of habit your eyes must have looked down automatically as soon as you became aware of the presence of the beautiful woman.
You might have made your character in such a way. You have decided the rules of behavior for yourself which you go on foll-owing mechanically. Outwardly you may not realize that a woman has passed by, but your looking down proves that some breeze blew within you, something fluttered within you, a ripple arose in you which made your eyes look down. This looking downwards was your way of saving yourself from that woman. You passed by.
For this behavior the world will call you a gentleman or a saint. You will get a lot of respect. So your ego will be satisfied, will be nurtured. You will try to be more religious. For that you can even go to the extent of blinding your eyes. But who are you trying to fool? Can you deceive your innermost self? In the darkness of night, in your deep slumber when your gentleman, your saint is sleeping soundly, then all your suppressed feelings and desires will come to the surface and they will create your dreams. Don’t think that anything is wrong with dreams. A dream is your friend, it is trying to tell you that you have deceived yourself and you will gain nothing by this deception. The dream proves that you have suppressed your lust. So awaken yourself, and recognize this instinct of yours.
The real question is not of looking or not looking at the woman passing by, the question is, are you aware of the ripple that arose in you caused by the desire to look at her? It doesn’t matter whether you look at a woman or you don’t look at a woman, but what matters is the rising of the ripple of passion in you. If you suppress it, then you will dream of her, but if you become aware of the passion rising in you by looking at her then you will not dream of her. If you go on watching every moment the passion, the desire arising in you, then you will become dreamless.
Yesterday I was reading a song written by a friend of mine, Kumar Barabankvi, who is an Urdu poet. A line of the poem is:
The destination seems to be near,
as the path is deserted and lonely.
Yes, as one starts approaching the destination the paths of the mind become deserted and lonely. Even the dreams are not there. The markets and even the shadows of the market disappear; there will be no more friends and enemies, and even their wavering shadows will disappear.