Chapter 11: Not Mind, Not Buddha, Not Things
All that is beautiful, true, good, is like happiness - I say “like happiness” because you may be able to understand that. You have known something of happiness. Maybe you have lived very miserably, as people live. But sometimes, even in spite of yourself, moments happen when happiness enters you - you are filled with an unknown silence, an unknown bliss; suddenly those moments come. You cannot find a man who has not had a few moments of happiness in his life.
But have you observed one thing? - whenever they come they come indirectly. Suddenly they happen, unexpectedly they happen. You were not waiting for them, you were doing something else, and suddenly you become aware. If you are waiting for them, expecting them, they never come; if you are directly in search, you will miss.
Somebody says, “When I go swimming in the river I feel much happiness.” You are also in search of it; you say, “Then I will come also,” and you follow. You are seeking happiness - you are not concerned with swimming directly, you are concerned directly with happiness. Swimming is just a means. You swim for hours; you are tired, you wait, you expect - and you are frustrated. Nothing is happening, the bliss is not there, and you tell your friend: “You deceived me. I have been swimming for hours, feel completely tired, and not a single moment of happiness has happened.”
No, it cannot happen. When you are lost in swimming so completely that there is nobody, the boat is empty, there is nobody in the house, the host is silent, swimming is so deep that the swimmer is lost in it and you simply swim, you play with the river, and the rays of the sun and the morning breeze, and you are simply lost in it.and there is happiness! Swimming by the bank, swimming all over the river, spreading all over existence, jumping from one ray to another ray of light - every breeze brings it. But if you expect you miss, because expectation leads you into the future and happiness is in the present. It is not a result of any activity; it is a consequence, it is a byproduct. You are so deeply involved, it happens.
It is a consequence, remember, it is not a result; a result can be expected. If you put two plus two, the four, the result, can be expected; it is already there in the two plus two, it will come out. The result can be expected if things are mechanical, mathematical. But a consequence is not a mechanical thing, it is an organic phenomenon. It happens only when you are not expecting. The guest comes to your door and knocks when you were not thinking about the guest at all. It always comes like a stranger, it always surprises you. You suddenly feel something has happened - and if you start thinking about what is happening, you will immediately miss. If you say, “How wonderful! How beautiful!” it is already gone; the mind is back. Again you are in the same misery, thrown back.
One has to learn deeply that all that is beautiful is indirect. You cannot make an attack upon it, you cannot be aggressive with it; you cannot snatch from existence. If you are violent and aggressive, you will not find it.
Move towards it like a drunkard, not knowing where, not knowing why, like a drunkard - lost completely, you move towards it.