Chapter 8: The Gift of Existence
But it was very strange - Jacob started wrestling with God. Does anyone wrestle with God? But Jacob started struggling with God. It is said that they fought the whole night. As morning approached, as dawn was about to come, Jacob was defeated. When God was about to leave him, Jacob fell at his feet and said, “Please give me your blessing.”
God said, “What is your name?” Jacob told him his name. God said, “Today you have become Israel” - the name that the Jews are known by. “From today on you are Israel. Now you are no longer Jacob, Jacob has died” - just as I change your name when I give you sannyas initiation. The old is gone. God told Jacob: “Jacob has died, from now on you are Israel.”
This story is from the Old Testament. There is no other story of someone fighting with God, but there is a great truth in this story. When that ultimate energy descends, what happens is almost like a fight. And when the ultimate experience happens and you are defeated by the divine and the body is vanquished and you accept defeat - then your final initiation happens. In that moment divine blessings shower on you. Then you are new. That is when you taste the nectar of the eternal for the first time.
Yoga Chinmaya is almost there where Jacob must have been. It is difficult to say how long the night may be. It is hard to say how long the struggle will last. No prediction can be made. But this struggle is auspicious.
Cooperate with this energy. This lion inside that wants freedom - it is you. This energy that wants to rise towards the head, that wants to go from the sex center to the crown chakra, that wants to create a path - it is you. For many lives it has been subdued and lying coiled up; now it is starting to raise its hood. You are fortunate, you are lucky. With this you are approaching the final blessing. Your real transformation will happen.
Krishnamurti has written in his notebook, “Whenever my head is splitting, when at night I cannot sleep and the screaming and shouting come and something inside me growls - after all this is over a unique experience comes. After this a great peace descends. Blessings shower in every direction. Everywhere lotuses and more lotuses are blooming.”
Exactly this is starting to happen to Chinmaya. It is good.
“After this I fall deep into an extraordinary intoxication and ecstasy.” When the energy arises after it has had its struggle, and the body becomes a little ready, then a new ecstasy will come: there is growth. You have come up a little, you have transcended a little. You have come out of the prison a little, you have found open sky. You will be fulfilled. You will dance, you will dance for joy.
“Then the lion becomes a little quiet, goes on wriggling within, paces up and down and keeps on growling. And then in kirtan, or in remembering You, he dances ecstatically.”