Chapter 8: Stop, and It Is Here!
You cannot love the whole humanity: your family is the root cause. And the family has not been bringing you up to be a lovable person and a loving person - it is forcing some relationships. Attachment is a relationship, and love.love is a state of mind. Your father will not say to you, “Be loving,” because if you are loving you can be loving to anybody. Even sometimes the neighbor may be more lovable than your father, but the father cannot accept this, that anybody can be more lovable than him, because he is your father. So relationship has to be taught, not love.
This is my country, that’s why I have to love this country. If simply this is taught, to love, then I can love any country. But the politician will be against it because if I love any country, if I love this earth, then I cannot be dragged into war. So the politicians will teach, “Love this country. This is your country, you are born here. You belong to this country, your life, your death, belongs to this country” - so he can sacrifice you for it.
The whole society is teaching you relationships, attachments, not love. Love is dangerous because it knows no boundaries. It can move, it is freedom. So your wife will teach you, “Love me because I am your wife.” The husband is teaching the wife, “Love me because I am your husband.” Nobody is teaching love.
If simply love is taught, then the wife can say, “But the other person is more lovable.” If the world were really free to love, then just being a husband could carry any meaning, just being a wife wouldn’t mean anything. Then love would freely flow. But that is dangerous - society cannot allow it, the family cannot allow it, the religions cannot allow it. So in the name of love they teach attachment, and then everybody is in misery.
When Patanjali says non-attachment, he is not anti-love. Really, he is for love. Non-attachment means be natural, loving, flowing, but don’t get obsessed and addicted. Addiction is the problem. Then it is like a disease. You cannot love anybody except your child - this is addiction. Then you will be in misery. Your child can die, then there is no possibility for your love to flow. Even if your child is not going to die, he will grow. And the more he grows the more he will become independent. And then there will be pain. Every mother suffers, every father suffers.
And the child will become adult, he will fall in love with some woman. And then the mother suffers - a competitor has entered. But this is because of attachment. If a mother really loves the child she will help him to be independent. She will help him to move in the world and to make as many love-contacts as possible, because the more you love the more you are fulfilled. And when her child falls in love with a woman she will be happy, she will dance with joy.
Love never gives you misery, because if you love someone you love his happiness. If you are attached to someone you don’t love his happiness, you love only your selfishness; you are concerned only with your own egocentric demands.
Freud discovered many things. One of them is mother or father-fixation. He says, the most dangerous mother is the one who forces the child to love her so much that he becomes fixed - and he will not be able to love anybody else. So there are millions of people suffering because of such fixations.