Chapter 9: Save Me from the Pillar!
The fight has a fundamental reason which has nothing to do with anything else. The fundamental reason is you hate the person you have to depend upon. You don’t want to recognize it - you don’t want to recognize the fact that you hate the person you believe you love. You hate simply because it is the other that hinders, defines your territories, keeps you confined, makes you feel limited from every side. Your freedom is crippled and paralyzed. How can you love the other person? And the same you are doing to the other. How can the other person love you?
Marriage is a great teaching; it is an opportunity to learn something: to learn that dependence is not love, that to depend means conflict, anger, rage, hatred, jealousy, possessiveness, domination. And one has to learn not to depend. But for that you will need great meditativeness so that you can be so blissful on your own that you don’t need the other. When you don’t need the other, the dependence disappears. Once you don’t need the other you can share your joy - and sharing is beautiful.
I would like a different kind of relationship in the world. I call it relating just to make it different from your old kind of relationship. I would like a different kind of marriage in the world. I will not call it marriage because that word has become poisoned. I would like to call it just a friendship; no legal bondage, just a loving togetherness; no promise for tomorrow - this moment is enough. And if you love each other this moment and if you enjoy each other this moment, if you can share with each other this moment, the next moment will be born out of it; it will become more and more enriched. As time passes by, your love will become deeper, it will start having new dimensions, but it will not create any bondage.
Hence my vision of a new humanity does not have any place for the old kind of marriage or old kind of family because we have suffered enough. I know perfectly well that man and woman will need to be together, but not out of need, but out of overflowing joy; not out of poverty but out of richness - because you have so much that you have to give. Just like when a flower opens, its fragrance is released to the winds because it is so full of fragrance it has to release it. Or when a cloud comes in the sky it showers; it has to shower - it is so full of rain water it has to share.
Up to now we have not helped man to know what love is; on the contrary we have been forcing him to get married. Marriage has to be the first thing and then love will come on its own accord. That whole idea has proved totally wrong. Man has lived in hell for centuries. He has become accustomed, that is true, in fact so much accustomed that the very idea of a world without marriage shocks him.
Just the other day I received a letter that, “If marriage disappears and the family disappears, what will happen to children?” What has happened to children with the marriage and with the family? All children are born so beautiful, so innocent, so intelligent, and the family and the marriage destroy them. They start seeing their mothers and fathers continuously quarreling, nagging. They become accustomed of it and they will repeat the same pattern in their life.