Chapter 72: Start Living in Insecurity
Secondly, Buddha’s love is not really a relationship - your love is a relationship. Buddha’s love is his state of being. Really, he does not love you, he is love. This distinction must be understood clearly. If you love a person, your love is an act, you do something, you behave in a certain way, you create a relationship, a bridge. Buddha’s love is just his being, it is just how he is. He is not loving towards you, he is just love. He is just like a flower there in the garden - you pass by and the perfume comes to you. It is not that the flower is sending its perfume to you especially - when there was no one passing by, the perfume was there. And if no one ever passes by, the perfume will still be there.
When your lover is not with you, when your beloved is not with you, the love disappears, the perfume is not there. It is an effort on your part, it is not simply your being. You have to do something to bring it out. When no one is there and Buddha is sitting alone under his Bodhi tree, then too he is a lover. It looks absurd that then too he is a lover. There is no one to be loved but still he is a lover. This being a lover is his state. And because it is his state, it is never a tension. Buddha cannot get tired of his love. You will get tired, because it is something you are doing. So lovers get tired of each other if there is too much love. They get tired, they need gaps, intervals, to recuperate. If you are with your lover for twenty-four hours he will get fed up because it is too much attention. Twenty-four hours of doing something is too much.
Buddha is not doing something, he is not tired of his love. It is his very being, it is just as if he is breathing. As you are never tired of breathing, you are never tired of being, so he is not tired of his love.
And then the third thing follows: you will be aware that you love, Buddha will not be at all aware. Because awareness needs the contrary. Buddha is so filled with love that he will not be aware. If you ask him he will say, “I love you.” But he is not aware of it. It is flowing so silently from him, it has become so intrinsic a part, that he cannot be aware of it. You will become aware that he loves, and if you are open and receptive you will become more aware that he loves you more. It depends on your capacity, on how much you can receive. But to him it is not a gift. He is not giving anything to you - he is this way, he happens to be this way. Whenever you become aware of your total being, enlightened, liberated, the dichotomy from your life drops. Then there is no duality. Then life becomes a harmony - nothing is against anything.
Because of this harmony, much peace happens. There is no disturbance. Disturbance is not created from without, it is within you. The contradiction goes on creating the disturbance although you may find excuses without. For example, watch what happens with your lover, or a friend, a deep friend, very intimate, close. Live with him, and just watch what is happening to you. When you meet you are very elated, ecstatic, dancing. But how much can you dance? And how ecstatic can you feel? Minutes later you are down, the elation has gone, and after a few hours you are bored, you are thinking of escaping to somewhere else. And after a few days you will be fighting. Just watch what is happening. This is all coming from within, but you will find excuses outside. You will say that now this man is not as loving as he was when he came; now this man is disturbing me, he is making me angry. And you will always find that he is doing something to you, you will never be aware that your dichotomy, your duality of mind, the opposites within, are doing something. We are never aware of our own workings of the mind.