Chapter 9: You Need a Little Laughter
Live without a structure, unpatterned, moment to moment, as a flow. These groups don’t need a leader who is himself conditioned, structured. They need a leader who is just a flow, and who can help others also to flow; one who can create a milieu around himself in which others feel that they also can flow, that they can become helpless, like children, and that everything is accepted. But if you don’t accept yourself, how are you going to help others to accept themselves? The first thing the leader needs is to accept himself unconditionally, whatever it is.
All great experiences are shattering. And only that which is creative is also going to be destructive. Only out of chaos a star is born. So be happy about it, be blissful, mm?
A couple comes forward to Osho. The woman is crying.
My clinging and my possessiveness are causing us to separate.
(Her boyfriend) I simply needed some time and space to myself, and so I escaped.
The thing is not to separate, but to understand each other. You love each other, I can feel it, but the love is in difficulty.
You have to remember a few things. One is that every man needs a space of his own. If you want to love a man and love him forever, and if you want him to love you, never fill his space completely. At least a part, one fourth, has to be given to him. The poor man needs that much!
And that’s the difference between the feminine mind and the male mind. The feminine mind can be full with love, the woman’s whole being can move into love, but a man has other loves also. The love for the woman is only one of his loves. He may also love poetry, music, painting, hunting, and a thousand and one foolishnesses. For a woman, one love is enough.
Once she finds a lover she surrounds him from everywhere. She wants to fill every part and every crevice of his being. But then the lover becomes afraid because he would like some independence; he would like to be alone somewhere, to be himself. So one fourth you have to leave if you want three fourths. This is a bargain!
Otherwise one day you will lose the whole. For a woman, love is her whole being. And this is a natural thing and has to be understood - a maturity is needed. If the woman had the capacity, she would make the lover a small child again and put him in her womb so she could surround him and have no fear of him escaping. But that cannot be done, so she creates a psychological womb around him - that is what home is.
And even if he is reading, she becomes afraid that he is more interested in reading than in her. Or if he is playing on his flute, she is afraid he is more interested in it. Everything seems to be competitive. She wants his total attention. But this is impossible for a man, and if you force him too much he will escape - or surrender, but then he will be dead.