Chapter 2: Choice and Choicelessness
The first question:
Small Siddhartha once wisely said that Osho is a girl. My feelings also. Many times you have said as much, and your ways of surrender and passivity echo the essential female in Lao Tzu. If choice was possible why did you assume a male form for your final showdown?
The first thing, small Siddhartha is not so small, he is one of the ancient ones. His words may be that of a child but his wisdom is not. Watching small Siddhartha, you can understand why Lao Tzu was thought to been born old. Siddhartha is born old. When he says something, he exactly knows something; that’s why he says it.
He is right. The final showdown is always of a woman, the form of the body does not matter. The form of the inner being is always that of a woman - whether it was Buddha, Zarathustra, Christ or Lao Tzu, it makes no difference. The final showdown is always that of the feminine being, the feminine mystique. All aggression disappears, all violence disappears, one becomes a total receptivity - that’s what a woman is. One becomes a womb, one becomes such an infinite womb that one can contain the whole universe. That’s why Hindu concepts of god are more of the mother than of the father. They are meaningful.
“If choice was possible, why did you assume a male form?” In fact choice is always male. To choose is to be male, not to choose is to be female. To accept whatsoever happens is to be female, to receive whatsoever is given with gratefulness is to be female. To complain, to grumble, to grudge, to choose, to have one’s own say is to be male; whenever you want something to be according to you, you are male, the ego has entered. The ego is male. So choice is not in fact possible. Femininity means surrender - one moves like a white cloud, no mind of one’s own, one accepts and one accepts joyfully, one delights because all directions are His, all forms are His.
How to choose? What to choose? ( because choice means rejection also. Choose something and you reject something. In every choice there is a rejection. If you want to be the whole how can you choose? You have to be choiceless.
Remember that the more you choose, the more the male mind enters into you; the less you choose and remain in choicelessness just leaving all to existence itself, the more feminine you become. And the mystery is this that when you become feminine, all happens to you, not part. You are no longer living as a fragment, you live as the whole. That’s why there was no choice for me.