Chapter 4: To Return to the Root
It looks absurd to think that the goal is in the beginning. It looks contradictory, because how can the goal be in the beginning? So the mind says the goal must be somewhere ahead, because mind lives through desire, moves through desire. Motivation has to be there in the future. And now, thinking in terms of the future for two thousand years continuously, the Western mind thinks that there is no meaning because the future has not arrived.
The future never arrives! It cannot arrive by its very nature; it remains always unarrived. It is arriving but it never arrives. It is just like the tomorrow which never comes. Whenever it comes it is always today, whenever it comes it is always the present.
Future never comes, cannot come. Its very nature is like hope, a dream - illusory. It appears as if it is coming, just like the horizon; it never reaches. Then, waiting and waiting, you feel meaningless. The whole Western-thinking mind today feels life is meaningless, absurd. And if you feel life is meaningless, absurd, then suicide remains the only way to get out of it.
One of the great Western thinkers of this century, Marcel, has written that suicide is the only solution. If you see that life is meaningless, then what is left? Then why go on dragging? Why live at all?
If there is no meaning and you are moving in a rut. Every day you get up, go to work, earn a little money, sleep in the night, dream, again in the morning. The wheel goes on moving and you reach nowhere. In the end is death, so why wait? Why not commit suicide? Why not destroy this meaningless thing? And why be so worried and so burdened and in so much anxiety and anguish for something which is meaningless? It is a logical conclusion.
If you look in the future you will come to understand that there is no meaning. But if you really want the meaning, then the way is to look in the seed - and the seed is here and now. But the mind likes to look in the future; it is easier. To look in the seed is difficult. That is the whole sadhana, that is the whole arduous effort: to look in the seed - because if you want to look into the seed you will need a different quality of vision. You will need a third eye, because these ordinary eyes can look only up to the shell. But the invisible which is hidden behind, the secret - these eyes cannot go so deep.
A different quality of eyes is needed which can penetrate and look right now into what the seed is carrying. If you look outside you cannot penetrate, because your eyes will meet the bodies, the shells of the seeds. If you really want to look in the seed, look within, because then the shell is no longer a problem - inside you are also a seed.
You belong to this existence, you have come out of it. This existence has a blueprint in you, this existence is trying to fulfill some destiny through you. Look within, because then the shell is no more a problem. You need not penetrate the shell, you are already in. This is what meditation is: to look within the seed, within oneself. There, meaning flowers, it flowers immediately. It has always been there - it only needed your attention. You have neglected it, you have been indifferent to it. You have been engaged, occupied, in other things; and you have been standing with your back towards yourself.