Chapter 11: Techniques to Penetrate the Inner
So the man said, “Really, I do not know what I am feeling. What it is, I do not know. I am simply disturbed. Whether to call it anger or embarrassment or what, I do not know. And this is not the moment to discuss it with me.” He said, “Leave me alone. You have made my situation philosophical. You are discussing what is real, what is authentic, and I am feeling very much disturbed.”
This is not only with some other person - x, y or z- it is with you. You are never certain, because certainty comes from being centered. You are not even certain about yourself. It is impossible to be certain about others when you are never certain about yourself. There is just a vagueness, a cloudiness; nothing is certain.
Someone was here just a few days ago, and he said to me, “I am in love with someone, and I want to marry her.” I looked into his eyes deeply for a few minutes without saying anything. He became restless and he said, “Why are you looking at me? I feel so awkward.” I continued looking. He said, “Do you think that my love is false?” I didn’t say anything, I just continued looking. He said, “Why do you feel that this marriage is not going to be good?” He said by himself, “I had not really thought it over very much, and that is why I have come to you. Really, I do not know whether I am in love or not.”
I had not said a single word. I was just looking into his eyes. But he became restless, and things which were inside began to come up, to bubble up.
You are not certain, you cannot be certain about anything; neither about your love, nor about your hate, nor about your friendships. There is nothing which you can be certain about because you have no center. Without a center there is no certainty. All your feelings of certainty are false and momentary. One moment you will feel that you are certain, but the next moment the certainty will have gone because in each moment you have a different center. You do not have a permanent center, a crystallized center. Each moment is an atomic center, so each moment has its own self.
George Gurdjieff used to say that man is a crowd. Personality is just a deception because you are not a person, you are many persons. So when one person speaks in you, that is a momentary center. The next moment there is another. With every moment, with every atomic situation, you feel certain, and you never become aware that you are just a flux - many waves without any center. Then in the end you will feel that life has been just a wastage. It is bound to be. There is just a wastage, just a wandering - purposeless, meaningless.
Tantra, yoga, religion. their basic concern is how first to discover the center, how first to be an individual. They are concerned with how to find the center which persists in every situation. Then, as life goes on moving without, as the flux of life goes on and on, as waves come and go, the center persists inside. Then you remain one - rooted, centered.