Chapter 24: All Our Doings Are Disturbances
I find that the true moments of joy and peace in my life come when I am the witness. Witnessing seems to come easier when I make some effort for it, such as now, in Vipassana group. You talked recently about the futility of will, but for me, it seems some effort or will is needed for the growth of awareness. Would you please comment?
It is possible to create a certain awareness through effort and through will but it will not be the true awareness.
That which is created by you cannot be eternal. That which is forced by you, will immediately disappear the moment you drop the effort. You forget.and you cannot will twenty-four hours a day. Will needs tremendous energy; the effort will be very tiring.
And after the awareness that is created by will disappears, you will fall deep into unawareness, deeper than you were before. Will is an instrument for creating false things. You can create an ego through will power because ego is false. But you cannot create your being, it is already there. And so is the case with awareness: the authentic awareness is not created by you, it is discovered by you. And the discovery needs no effort on your part because you are the problem, your efforts are the hindrances.
You have to be absent - with all your will power, with all your efforts. You simply have to give way, and then there will be a totally different quality of awareness - spontaneous, joyous, relaxing, rejuvenating, and you can never be tired of it. It is simply your nature. Even in your sleep it will remain there, burning like a small candle in the darkness of sleep.
That which is created by will cannot be of the beyond, it can only be something below you. It is your creation - it cannot be bigger than you. And that which you are creating has a cause: your will, your effort. The moment the cause is removed, the flame of awareness will be gone. Your will was functioning like a fuel.
I will not support it. It is fake. And because you don’t know the authentic, you cannot make the distinction.
Please try to be in touch with the spontaneous - even a moment’s glimpse and you will see: the difference is so vast.. One is just manufactured by you, with all your weaknesses, with all your frailties, with all your unconsciousness - and the other comes from the beyond. The other is divine, and only the divine can liberate you. Only the divine can be your eternal peace, silence, blissfulness.
You are saying, “I find that the true moments of joy.” Have you ever known untrue moments of joy? Either joy is, or is not. Have you ever experienced untrue moments of joy? What do you mean by “true moments of joy”? Certainly, you are comparing with your moments of hypocrisy, when you try to appear to be happy, joyful, and you know you are not; your smile is just an exercise of the lips. The heart is not behind it; most probably it is just a way to hide your tears. You are afraid if you don’t start laughing, you may start crying; it is better to laugh so you are not exposed to others.