Chapter 12: Doubt: The Methodology of the Seeker
While the music was there, you were engaged with the music. While you were humming, you were engaged in humming. The most difficult parts were those few moments of silence. Either you were coughing all over the place - suddenly the Mandir became Koran Grove - or you were laughing, which was disrespectful to the Mandir, to the commune. After music, after humming, an intelligent person will fall into a deeper silence; that is the purpose of that music. But no, you start laughing. The reason is, you cannot stand to be in silence for two minutes.
And now, Anam, you are asking for silent satsang. And I know you more than you know yourself. You may think yourself a wise guy, but you are simply crazy. You think you are a therapist - you need therapy.
And there may be a few other creeps who have crept into the commune. It is good if they get lost forever. A single rotten fish will spread its rottenness to other fish in the pond. And people in this commune are so close to each other, so intimate with each other, that anything contagious affects not only one person, it affects the whole commune. That’s why I don’t call it an organization. It is not, it is an organism, just as your body is an organism, not an organization.
If your body were an organization, scientists would have been immensely happy, because then if you had a fracture in your leg, the whole leg could be unscrewed - you would just have to go to the workshop and they could screw on a new leg. If your head was going cuckoo, you could go the workshop and they could change it. But man is not a mechanism put together, man is an organism. Everything in man is connected with everything else; the whole body is functioning in tremendous harmony.
This commune is an organism.
I don’t want any bored person here. You will be immensely benefited - become a Catholic priest, then your boredom will pay you. Here, you will just look out of place.
And I am not saying this only to Anam.. I had given you the name Anam - anam means anonymous, nameless - because when I gave you sannyas I could see in your eyes that you were not an organism functioning in beautiful silent harmony: you are a cuckoo. But I give sannyas to anybody - even to cuckoos, hoping against hope that perhaps just through your being near me a miracle may happen.
And when I am talking to you, do you understand the process of talking in deep love and intimacy? Perhaps you are not aware. You love a person - you want to touch the person, hug the person, kiss the person. Why do you do all these things? To get as close to the person as possible. I cannot hug millions of people. Before they have stopped hugging me, I will be dead. Kissing to me is unhygienic.
I can touch you only with my words. It is a touching experience, far superior to the ways you know of touching each other. A word is a bridge. If you allow yourself to become part of the communion, you cannot be bored; you will be in immense rejoicing, you will be blissful.
But nobody can force you to be blissful. Why get miserable sitting here? Do something that makes you happy. And I don’t know what makes you happy. If my words cannot make you happy, then take it for granted that at least in this life you are not going to be happy.
It is a great art to be blissful.