Chapter 21: Attention Is Invisible Nourishment
It is true you are half-cooked - because these things are still coming; but even being half-cooked is a great phenomenon. The rest will also happen. And that is not your responsibility: I am the cook here, and I have cooked so many people that you can trust me.
Looking back at this past year-and-a-half since I met you, it seems that I am flying out of control.
People think I am crazy, but I laugh as I tear away the pieces of my old life. And you’ve told me, that was just for starters. My meditations are difficult.I am so excited and high most of the time.
Maybe you will give me some clue to quiet this bouncing heart.
Osho, I’ve come this far and given up this much to be here now, to take sannyas and surrender - what now?
Now you can retire. You have done the last thing - surrender. Now you are no longer there. Now it is my concern - you are completely free, because beyond surrender, there is nothing to be done.
Surrender means that you have dropped the ego; and now “You are flying out of control.” It feels out of control because you have remained always in control. Now drop that control; now you are no longer the pilot; you have surrendered. And the sky is vast - there is no fear of your falling out of the sky.
You say that people think you are crazy. You are! I attract only crazy people. The so-called saints remain always at a distance.
When I was a student at the university one of my professors told me that it would be a great act of compassion towards him if I didn’t come into his class: “As far as your attendance record is concerned, I will give you one hundred percent.”
I said, “But what is the matter? I have joined the class, I have paid the fee for it.”
He said, “You can take the fee from me, but just the idea of having you for two years in the class drives me crazy. The moment I see you, something in me starts trembling.” And he was a very sane person, but people’s sanity is superficial: just a little scratch and they will go insane.
I don’t want you to be superficially sane: I want you to drop all superficial sanity. Everybody will think you are crazy, but you are simply being natural; and nature is not crazy. To be natural is the authentic sanity: the more natural you become, the bigger will become the distance with the artificial society and the artificial people - but you will be becoming more and more sane.
When you reach to the very core of your being, you have attained the final sanity; but in the eyes of other people you will look absolutely mad. People have created their own game of sanity, and if you break their rules, immediately they condemn you as crazy. I am not here to condemn you, but to transform you. Your craziness is the beginning of your authentic sanity.