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Chapter 6: A Thousand and One Ways to Laugh

Putting on lipstick is cheap; it is not really improving. It is good for the stage. Makeup artists are needed for the stage, not for real life. On the stage it is good, because the people who are looking at you are far away from you; they don’t have to kiss you. They can throw kisses from far away; that’s perfectly okay. But they don’t have to taste your lipstick. Layers and layers of lipstick! It is so rotten and old, and continuously your saliva is giving it all kinds of germs. In each single kiss at least one hundred thousand germs pass between the lovers. And that is when the lips are without lipstick. With lipstick nobody has yet counted what is being transferred. And when the lipstick is there you never come in contact with the lips.

You must have misunderstood me. I am not saying that improving upon nature is bad. I am not saying that. Women can shave their legs and underarms. It is good, it is hygienic; nothing is wrong in it. Unless you take every care to clean your body..

Your New York women must not be taking baths every day it seems. If you take a bath every day and clean your body, then the hairs under your arms are not bad. There is nothing wrong about it. There is no need to remove them, they have their place. But if you are not taking a bath and if you are not being hygienic and clean, then certainly they will collect dust and they will collect perspiration and they will stink. Then it is good to remove them. I am not against removing them. It is beautiful to shave the hairs on your legs and give your legs a beautiful shape.

Improve upon nature, rather than impose. Make people more aware of their beauty and how to take care of it. Help them in natural ways. Man is the only animal who can go beyond nature, but he should go through nature, not cover nature. So I am not saying that that which is not natural is necessarily ugly.

But you must have misunderstood me. You must have heard with your freelance makeup artist’s mind.

One Negro from South Africa was sent by his family to study at the university. So he went to the director to ask for admission.

“Which branch would you like to take?” asked the director.

“Can’t I have a desk like everybody else?”

Now the poor fellow is coming from Africa. His mind can understand only in his own way.!

Sex was a big problem on the American nuclear submarine which was at sea for months at a stretch. The captain, however, had solved the problem by buying a life-size rubber doll which he put to frequent use. In fact, he became so satisfied that his crew became suspicious of his good moods and soon discovered the reason.

When the captain was on the bridge, they began to sneak into his cabin to visit the doll.

A few months later, when the submarine returned to San Francisco, the captain went along to the shop where he had originally purchased the doll.

“Look,” he said, “I want to congratulate you guys on the lifelike qualities of that doll I bought. You know, it is so good I even got syphilis.”

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