Chapter 8: The Giver Should Be Thankful
So before the spontaneous happens, we start forcing the child. And the child has to yield, because he is helpless. He starts selling his love. Politics is born, he becomes a politician, he smiles, and deep down he is angry; he shows his love, and deep down there is no love - he hates the father. Every son hates, that’s why every society starts forcing the child to respect the father, to love the father. Because every culture is aware that the son will hate the father, so “Create the opposite before the hatred explodes.” Every daughter, every girl hates her mother, so “Love the mother, she is your mother. Respect her.” We are so afraid that we create the opposite just as a protection.
Why does a son hate his father? Not because he is bound to hate - there is a vicious circle. First, conflict is necessary, it is a natural part of growth. A child has to fight with his parents, otherwise he will never grow. And the fight starts the very first moment a child is born, the fight starts with birth. The child wants to be born and the mother wants to hold, that’s why there is so much pain.
Now physiologists say that the pain exists because of the conflict. The child wants to come out and the mother wants to hold him in - this is the conflict. That’s why there is so much pain in birth. Otherwise, in animals there is not much pain; in primitive societies there is no pain. Why does the birth become more painful, the more a woman is civilized? Because the more you are civilized, the more ego is there; a stronger ego is there.
The mother wants to hold the child in.an unconscious fear that the child is leaving her. And this will possess the whole life: that the child is leaving her. And the child has to leave, otherwise he will be dead in the womb. He has to kick the womb behind, go away from the womb - that is natural. And once a mother understands it, there is no pain in birth; then she helps the child to move away.
And if you help the child to move away, he will never hate you. This is the problem: if you don’t allow the child to move away, if you create barriers, because of those barriers he will hate you. And you are afraid of the hate, so you create the opposite. You force the child to love you and he is helpless, so he has to yield in his helplessness; not willingly - unwillingly. He has to yield. Hate remains deep down, and love becomes just a mask, a façade. The child is born and then every day he will move away from the mother. He has to, otherwise he will never be independent, he will never be his own self. He has to move, every day in every way, and the mother will not allow it: “Don’t go beyond this boundary. Don’t go outside the house. Don’t go on the street. Don’t play with that boy. Don’t move.”
The mother will create more and more boundaries. And the more boundaries that are created, the more the freedom is killed; the child suffers - hatred is born. Now what to do with this hatred? - the mother creates the opposite. But whenever you create the opposite, you have moved in the wrong direction.
This hatred has to be understood, accepted; not that the opposite has to be created. And you have to know that this is part of growth. The child has to move away, and you have to allow it more and more freedom. Of course you have to be very alert, because the child can harm himself.